Tag Archives: Spirit

A Time to Fly: The End of the World or To End in Peace

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As 2012 unravels, the big ball of string that is the End of the Mayan Calendar and the possible End of the World [or oooh, my favorite and the Zombie Apocalypse] will be interesting to watch.

But doesn’t it seem like we go through one of these scares or events every decade…

I was born in 1980, and from the ole Google Search, I learned that talk of Armageddon was going on back then.  I was too young to remember, shoot, I wasn’t even born when the predictions were made so I won’t expand much there but it fits with my every ten years hypothesis/thought experiment so I’m going to roll with it.

End of Times talk and fear was rampant during the End of the Cold War, I was old enough to pick up on that, I may not have understood it but I could feel that the events had gravity too them.  I remember things like the Fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, the Protests of Tiananmen Square that same year, and then there was Desert Storm and I felt the fear, the frenzy that came from watching on television, images of the first bombs, the planes, the correspondents, this was my first conscious experience of war in this plane of existence so it stood out.  I also remember the collectible trading cards that came out during that time too.  Any way to make a buck eh?  And that seemed odd to me.

In the 90′s, I was basically emo minus the long hair, I played basketball, and I listened to rap music.  Or maybe I wasn’t emo and just a teenager…

At the time, I felt misunderstood, which after counseling/mentoring a number of teens since, I can see how I didn’t understand myself so how could I expect anyone else to relate? And I just needed something to relate to me.  And rap music did that for me. And things that made my Inner Child believe in magic but that’s another story.

The charged emotion of the beats, the sound of the voices, the feelings I felt that summed up a life I couldn’t understand in the body came out in the music, the experience.  I felt like I was relating and that’s illogical right?  Or is it?  Do not we all feel?.  They were the poets, the storytellers, the social commentators much as I find myself doing and growing into on my own path.  I think we’re all rappers, telling the stories of our lives, trying to understand the world by putting words to it. And I think that’s cool.  If you’re going to understand life, shouldn’t you strive to know about your own?

As the 90′s unfolded and were to become the millienia, it built up to Y2K, where everything was supposed to shut down, the aliens were supposed to return, and all of that.  Nobody knew what would happen.  But low and behold, we had the computer programmers working it out.  Pretty cool, huh?  They didn’t wield swords or wands but they wielded their skills and magic, saved the system from crashing and then the Geeks continued to roll out more cool things to help and connect us.  To maybe finally come together.

Psych!  Of course not, not for us, humanity, we had to find our next End of the World fix…

And when 9/11 happened, well, that really felt like it for many, especially to collective psyche of America.  I remember getting an early call, crowding into a dorm room on my floor and man, if it did not seem like this generation’s version of the Attack on Pearl Harbor.  It was shocking, unbelievable, and as the news, the reports surfaced maybe there was more that could have been done by different parties to prevent it, but regardless, the event really happened and it shook us all, all of humanity.

I’d watch as President Bush became the first President to have both the record high and low approval ratings, which is apparently becoming a trend as President Obama is experiencing the swings himself.  But well, that’s the President, it comes with the job right?  He [or she in the future] should be able to take it, run with the ball and make our lives better.  Forget that there are elements of Congress that can make or break policy but #i’mjustsayin’ and besides, we have to get back to the End of the World in 2012 [Pssh, focus JMAW]!.

Yeah, 2012!  Woo, it’s like a spiritual new age conspiracy theorist’s wet dream and man, I’ve been hearing about 2012 ever since, ever since.  You can’t help but see the books when you’re making your way through the New Age and Spiritual sections of bookstores and libraries attempting to find an answer to your spiritual crisis and learn about healing after all…  And with titles that have End of the World and End of this, that, and otherwise, how could you not browse one.  I know.  I know! I had a choice not to read them, but still Spirit, I’ve been bombarded by this propaganda forever ways sideways! and some of the people are so charismatic, their believe so sound, how could it not be worth a look?

Then I started getting the nudges, the slaps from the Universe to live in the Present, to do the spiritual work, to answering the calling.  The Spirit spoke.  I ignored and the Apocalypse, my version of it, happened a few times in many different ways, but the really big grand chaotic symphony hit me in 2010 [Every ten years, I tell you!!!].  So I prayed.  I meditated.  I had no answers but it’s the only thing that made me feel better. And I met others, who experienced their lives falling apart.  Who felt there was something else out there, there had to be.

And if there was, I was going to find it!

I went on a walkabout, a vision quest, a you-know-what-it-really-was?  I just finally answered a call.  A Call to Love.  And as I looked at the pieces of my life, the micro-system and see it reflected what was unfolding in the macro-system of this shared life around me, I saw it as an intricate system and my world would become what I focused on it. My fears certainly came true because of my energy.  So did what I loved but I was so gripped by fear.  Because Love, it was, too natural…

Too easy.  No, way too easy, that’s what I always saw anyway, that the Heart would not lie, that Love was the way, but I couldn’t have felt that, I couldn’t just say that.  No, it’s got to be this job, no, wait, it’s got to be that relationship.  Bah!

Trust your Intuition, combine it with the pieces you see from Past and Present and see how where you place your energy, Love or Fear, you get experiences that mirror.  Then step back and think how if everyone is experiencing the same thing, aren’t we co-creating this whole ride?

Accept that it’s okay to be wrong about Fear, that it’s not the only way, and let go of this fatalistic obsession of self-sabotage that doesn’t result in the gigantic end of the world but ends the things that impact us the most with our families, our communities, our jobs, our individual worlds that we walk.  I think the world can end two ways, with a Bang or with surrender to Life being, well, Life.  We’ve been banging at it for awhile, why not try the alternative?

Might lead to Peace.  Inner Peace.

 

 

Adventures in Urban Mysticism: Almost There or Already There

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My friend, Patrice, has this expression for people who can just roll through the BS of life: The Already There Club.

Last night was strange.  I got an earful from a friend earlier who was dealing with some stuff.  I was tired and it had nothing to do with her but she was challenged by my tone of voice because she was stressed out.  That’s all good and well but it’s a perfect example of place your faith in the Spirit alone, be rooted in Faith because humanity will always let one down.  It wasn’t my intent to exacerbate her situation but I have no control over the feelings or experience of another.  I was just being true to myself in that conversation and my Heart did not want to take on the experience of another at that point and time because…

Friday was very draining albeit cool but very draining for me.  I spent the morning in physical therapy for my torn calf muscle (which is healing up great, still sore and stiff but better each day!) and then went out to the North Shore to teach an actor on The River meditation, or so I thought…

It was my first time on the set of any type of production, Hollywood or otherwise.  Someone told me when I first started reading professionally, you got it kid, start at the top.  Well I was on the set for this ABC production which is pretty cool when one thinks about it and as close to the top as one can get in a sense since that world is so revered in this life.  I went with the Flow as that is seemingly the best way to approach life these days.  We didn’t get to go into meditation because of the nature of shooting but I met two gentlemen in the crew who I realized were probably a big part of the reason my journey led me there.  Many of the people who discuss spiritual matters with me just need a little confirmation and my observation was that my brothers needed a little of that.

I guess I serve as the facilitator of the spirit in many cases and that’s cool.  I don’t think I’m the shit but spirituality has been a big part of my life, is a specialty in many ways so I’m able to do some things or give people tools that touch that deeper space but what is crazy is I’m also very human, and that’s the hugest part of being on the spiritual journey.  Patrice also told me she forgets that I’m human from time to time.  I think what makes me so appropriate for a role in spiritual counsel and exploration is because I embrace the fullness of my humanity.  It was a long road to that let me tell you.  I despised being human and the amount that I could feel things.  When I was younger I never knew where I began with my feelings, I could just feel what was going on with other people, and it scared, drained, pained me all at once and in different doses.

As I walk one more step in the journey each moment, I find more ways to recharge and reconnect with God in life all around.  But for sure, I am human.  I don’t regret any actions these days, I view them all as experiences, sometimes I feel pain because of my choices, and I shake my head because I’m on a path to make it smoother, not because I want to avoid conflict, but because I believe life will deliver pain on its own, therefore we should strive to enjoy and sail as smoothly as possible along the river of life.

That doesn’t mean my approach is easy to deal with.  I admit that.  I’m brutally honest and don’t have the time or energy to nurse egos.  I have a hard enough time grappling with that small part of me, it’s hard when someone else enters the arena and I have to ‘wrassle’ both.  So there I was, drained, pulling out mantras, releasing things that don’t serve me and in walks a 14 y/o young woman who asked me if I was an alien.

LAUGHTER.

Laughter is key in the journey.  I have a tendency to get too serious about things.  So I find ways to laugh again.  I’ve also been reading comic books and watching Pro Wrestling shoots from time to time because it lets my Inner Child have fun.  Laughter and fun man.

The night and day only went up from there.  I had one gentlemen come in who needed the meditation tool.  The reading was good for him but it was the meditation, I saw it when a smile broke across his face as he let go of all his worries and just breathed and smiled.

BREATHE AND SMILE…

Breathing and smiling is huge.  At 23, the day before I was give my spiritual calling, I stumbled across Peace is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hahn.  The concept was so right on.  I didn’t realize it at the time but it spoke to my Soul, which is why it resonated so truly, madly, deeply with me.  To be able to breathe and smile though life has beaten us in the past and will assuredly give us new challenges is the choice we have in each and every moment.

The young man thanked me and said it’s cool to meet someone who’s already there or who is on the way on the spiritual journey.  That made me breathe and smile within.  I don’t do what I do for recognition.  I do it because I believe that the world can be better and it starts within us.  More and more I see how what I’ve been through, this gift which I viewed as a curse for so long to fully empathize and feel what is going on in another, and the experiences I have had that have allowed me to accept pain and move through challenges is truly valuable.

I don’t like to say things like I’m already there because in honesty as long as I’m in the body I’m not.  But when I choose, I can always find my way Home within and can find beauty in each “season” unfolding in my life, sometimes at rapid rates throughout the day.  For that, I’m truly grateful. It’s necessary because as a human, though others can help, I cannot put my strength on another because the strength we all seek, that love is within.

It’s that part of us that is unconditional and the part that heals all things in our life no matter what the day brings because NO ONE can ever take that away, that Sacred part of who we are is always there if we choose to look at it.

 

Adventures in Urban Mysticism: It Was All a Dream…

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“It was all a dream…” ~ Notorious B.I.G.

As I look back at the year where the Dark Night of the Soul took hold, where the master thief of the Higher Self crept out, made its presence known, grappling the ego into submission to the Spirit,  the only way I can make sense is by remembering the dream that prompted the eruption.

I am walking through a city that looks like NYC, the tall buildings, I walk through the park.  I walk through a place that has a casino.  I now am walking up a hill, the homes, the structures remind me of what I saw in Huntington Beach a few months earlier.

My journey(s) took me to Seattle, New York, New Orleans, San Francisco, and home, Hawaii.  It also included other stops but as I identified the stops, how they flowed together, what they each represented to me, whether the Hand of the Spirit wrote it, whether my Soul played a role, is inconsequential as conscious life is being able to make sense of the stories we tell and weed out the lies the ego tells to keep one trapped in illusion.

The best I can do, again, is to interpret my waking experience as it unfolded as I would a dream and identify what each place symbolized to me.

Seattle represented Wholeness.  It was the first time in a very long time that I had a feeling my Soul was breathing, that everything was okay.  I would end up on the hill in the dream while in Seattle.  I had the location wrong but I’d seen the location beforehand.  Seattle was to be my last stop, so Wholeness would normally be the end of the journey but I needed the teaser beforehand because I was still so mired in Fear.

New York and New Jersey showed me why it is so special to share experiences not only with the Spirit but with others, all others, and even more so is it necessary to cherish the company of loved ones for you never know when someone comes in and out of life, whether it be due to circumstance or Death.  Sometimes both, as Death does not only claim us at the end of the Flesh, but as events of life develop, very much a part of the ebb and flow of the Seasons of Life.

New Orleans was rebirth and here I would encounter the casino as I had seen it in my dream.  I spent many a day by the Mississippi, reflecting as she meandered, her ability to change location from one state to another as she felt, inspirational, and also the area I really had to learn rebirth for my addiction to the ego’s agenda was quite strong.  Rebirth an important theme, a reminder that each moment, each experience is brand new so respect it as that (I still struggle with this).  It is also through rebirth that I was able to let the Sculptor that is the Soul clear away that which blocked the creation from within being expressed.  Rebirth was/is necessary, because only in being reborn and allowing full expression of the change demanding recognition, stemming from within was I able to salvage the damage my psyche had experienced due to my own choice in limiting views and beliefs.  The ego builds up a life of expectation to control, being strengthened each step of the way as the power the ego is empowered whether we live from Love or Fear because it’s goal is to craft its own agenda, and if our attention is focused on that controlling agenda we are blinded.

San Francisco was healing.  I planted this seed.  Whether it’s the “I” as in the I Am part of me or the I as in my conscious mind does not matter because I established it.  And what did I learn?  I had dreams and saw signs (both my ways of navigating the journey) everywhere which I can see now that I was always ready and that healing is a lifelong journey.  Eventually the Soul leaves because it has worked on all it can in a lifetime, some Souls it’s sooner, others it’s later, either way, healing flows throughout.

Home… Hawaii.  When I was 23, as can be seen by previous blogs, the excerpts from my book on here, I was called on a spiritual journey.  I was told the Spirit of the Hawaiian Islands had a higher calling for me.  A year ago, I told the Universe I would give up that which I loved most, which at the time was my idea of what would make me whole and the love of my life, in order to share what’s in my Heart with the world.  I often minced words, thinking that it was about living my dream.  No, it’s about realizing that this life is a like a dream and we have the ability in our waking state to have a lucid experience to enjoy it more fully.  It just takes slowing down and paying attention.  Not an overnight process as my journey since being called took eight years give or take some change and life is presented me with more experiences, more lessons.  But I feel like I can make my way through anything because of this place…

Home.  Home is everywhere because it is within.  The Spirit of the Hawaiian Islands is symbolically Aloha, something just like Love, like God, is not quite describable but as an experience can be felt.  Regardless of where I am physically in life, regardless of circumstance, I have learned how to get to my true home of the Spirit and to embrace this life, its twists, its turns, because the dream will surely end, much like dreams we have when we sleep, the dream will surely end when it does, suddenly, and that’s it.

Thank you Life.  I needed that.