The Simple Voice

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We shall begin with “dot dot dot” and continue with:

Hello World!!!

Did you miss me?  Oh, all four dear readers, you had to know that when I mentioned retirement earlier in the year that JMAW couldn’t stay retired forever.   Visual art was fun.  Not writing was a bit of alright but I find that I have more to express than ever.

Retirement is but a blink these days and you know I’m great internally, and quite frankly, that’s pretty phenomenal, so it’s kind of obvious why I’d be back into sharing through writing so soon.

But enough about me, let’s look at a few short-lived retirements and how they turned out:

• Randy Couture- 13 month lay-off to come out of retirement and move back up and recapture the UFC Heavyweight Championship at 73, okay, more like 45, either way: EPIC and truly inspirational
• Michael Jordan (the first time)- drops 55 points against the Knicks after a rocky return games, loses in the playoffs, comes back and rattles the second Bulls trilogy…
• Michael Jordan (the second time)- no championship but still put in some performances that were amazing
• Brett Favre – love him or hate him, he’s better than most of the other starting QB’s in the NFL and with the Vikings could be pretty crazy to watch for one more go
• Clarence Waipa- the guest speaker at my high school graduation, my 11th grade Art and Hawaiian History teacher, who retired that year and came back after speaking at our graduation to teach generations more at St. Joseph High School in Hilo town

While I love MMA and at one time loved basketball, no retirement stands out more to me than the last one.  Mr. Waipa was an interesting character.  I will be honest and say I don’t remember much from either class but something stood out about Mr. Waipa coming back to work at St. Joseph.

He’d been a teacher for decades already.  He was in a position where he could retire.  But he just loved what he did and wanted to keep on doing that.

Like the athletes, mentioned above, nothing left to prove, already great, but something else left in the tank.  I don’t know where my path will go and how it will unfold but I hope that I might someday leave the world something because at 29 years young, I am nowhere near running on empty.

I haven’t done anything “great” on a macro level but I know that on the micro level, my own being as micro as can be, that I am great compared to a few years ago, good to a few months ago, and the more I change, the more the world changes.  The more I heal, the more the world heals.  Now add all of us into that equation, we change, we heal, wow, the world really has changed, has healed…

So it’s Hello World, JMAW 3.0 because I’m a new version.  By the end of my days I hope to be at 4.0(how’s that JOY? wink wink) as 4 is what famed psychiatrist Carl Jung felt to be a balanced and whole number and various traditions.

To quote the Mayor of Hanalei: “Keep Livin’ the Dream”

Shoots.

JMAW

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth and I don’t have to be what you want me to be.  I’m free to be what I want.”

The words of Muhammed Ali, a man who for better or worse defied everything, did it his way.  While these words resonate for me, about the only thing I can say that differs is that I feel more than I know.

To me, knowledge is fleeting.  While I have always sought and believed in something more, I now realize that it was more a seeking meaning versus knowing.  The more I know, the less I actually do, it limits me.  I was once told: the moment you label is the moment you begin to close the doors on every other possibility.

But feeling, feeling is everything.  I remember throughout the darkness of adolescence telling people “I hate feeling, I hate being human.”  I have a greater understanding today why that is and I’m sure it will grow deeper with the turning of the pages in my story.

I believe that life in its simplest form is energy, it is feeling.  How we experience those feelings may be different but ultimately, if we allow it, that feeling itself can be shared.  So while we can never walk in another’s shoes, we can surely empathize(at times sympathize) with a feeling and share this journey with others in a deeper, fuller way.

Children are the greatest example.  Haven’t you seen where one child cries and other children begin to cry as well?  It’s because they feel.  They feel so much, love, and enjoy every aspect of being.  Society has not yet tainted everything for them.

All this being said, what’s my point, yada yada yada, we really are truly free to be what we want.  We are free to connect with others and live one long experience of meaning.

That is the one thing I’ll say I feel that I know.  (Wink wink).

Shoots.

JMAW

Happy St. Valentine’s Day World!!!

Or Single Awareness Day or Corporate Holiday or all of the above depending on where you fall in the spectrum relating to February 14th, 2009.

In my opinion, love people all the time, celebrate your love with your Signif. always. But if you do have a special someone or plural(eh, I don’t know, some people got mad love to give, who am I to judge), I hope you’re out there having an extra sense of celebratory joy going on today.  I’ll leave it short and sweet at that though as a poet…

“I must say that love a love ever so sweet, one that is purest in the moment, a moment, which if I could prolong, I would, for even though life is but one long day, the passing moments since the moment our eyes last danced seems to me an eternity…”

If only you could go Pro at being a poet.  I always wanted to go Pro but that’s a different story and sport…

Here’s some random facts of February 14th, that you may or may not know:

~It’s in February.  Since the adoption of this calendar cycle, February, and all other months have incorporated a 14th day into the equation.  Who would’ve figured?

~Named after two martyred dudes(Saints) named Valentine.

~Valentine’s were originally hand-written notes expressing love between two(or more, we don’t know how they did back in the day) lovers.

~The day became associated with romantic love the time of Chaucer, when courtly love began to flourish.  I can hear all the guy’s right now, “Chaucer, dat buggah…”

~The U.S. Greeting Card Association reports that St. V’s Day is second in greeting card holidays behind none other than Christmas.  I bet Cupid is shaking his fist as his arrow seemed to miss on that one.

~The U.S. Greeting Card Association also reports that men spend twice as much on Valentine’s Day then women.  Hmm….

Again, spread the Aloha today.  Have fun, and if you can’t do it 24/7 then, well, you got probs in my opinion,nah, nah, it’s hard, but gotta keep striving.

But, in closing, with my Joe Moore moment:

Finally, did you know, in the UK, they celebrate St. Dwynwen’s Day on January 25th.  That’s right, now you can celebrate your love in January and February and in Brazil, they have Dia dos Namorados, Day of the Enamored, in June, and in Finland, and in Korea…

Ho, I see a pattern, special love days around the world, maybe, just maybe, it really is possible to celebrate a day of love each and every day.  And if it’s not, it’s only a matter of time before you see cards for St. Dwynwen’s at Hallmark.

Shoots.

the spiritually vacant are a challenge for me.  i believe that each person deserves to do what is best for their souls and that can be surfing, walking, church, whatever.  figure it out, find what works.  it’s when i encounter the people who are so far removed from their souls that i trip out, like so far that the joy of living is not present, the smiles are fake, the energy is depleting.

maybe it’s a feeling.  perhaps it’s the lack of glow in the eyes.  i can’t say for certain, there’s times i just know it to be true, and i’ll be the first to admit i don’t know a damn thing for certain, it’s mostly feelings that can’t be explained adequately with language.  but, BUT, that’s one thing i know, and know well, the spiritually vacant.

i know them because i was once one of them.  devoid, hidden, lost, whatever it is, i find it to be truly sad.  i pray you my brothers and sisters who are there, i don’t know what your soul is trying to learn, wish i could remove the splinter from your eye but i’m still pulling the timber from my own.  for now, all i can share with you is to look at that skyline, smile at the tree, dive into the ocean, take a step and feel, be filled.

good speed.  peace be the journey.

 As I sit and ponder what a wild ride 2008 was, I find myself with a silly grin(actually because I am listening to R&B on Pandora.com and it’s the Usher song where Ludacris calls Usher, “Ursher”, and as I’ve mentioned in the past, I find that hilarious).

Sayings that stand out to me from 08:
“You don’t know shit, J.”
~Back in the day, rewind like ten years, I was always playing with words and would say: “I know that I know not, therefore I know nothing, and in the process, I know everything.”  Well, since then, I’ve learned so much more compared to then, so really I didn’t know shit and to a great extent, what do I know now?  I am continually amazed at how much there is to learn in life and livingis truly a blessed, beautiful, bodacious, boombastic, bootylicious, bizarre, and the best teacher out there.

“Slow your roll…”
~We used to say this to dog on the b-boy wannabes cause let’s face it, hip-hop culture in Hawaii is small kine lacking, but eh, it is what it is.  This is such a great saying

Movie(s) of the year:
Tie: The Dark Knight and Seven Pounds
The Dark Knight was such a great illustration of Jungian psychology(In my opinion): the Batman and his shadow, the Joker, while the Batman was a shadow himself.  It explored so many different recesses of the mind.  Couple it with Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker, a character who was so pure and satisfied with who he was, accepted who he was, was simply amazing as it was scary.

Seven Pounds is here because it is about love.  Life is about love.  While we may not see it, and it takes us through a crazy ride in the process, doing things and living out of love is the greatest thing we can ever do because doing so can improve the well-being of the world and in this case, maybe even give/save life.

Book(s) of the year:
So I do this thing where I read parts of books at a time and so on and blah blah but there were a handful I read in their entirety and my (drum roll, opens award envelope) pick for book of the year is Blink by Marcus Gladwell, which is all about our intuition and exploring psychological aspects of it in order to understand, train ourselves to work better with it.  Pretty gnarly stuff

Song of the year:
“Just Dance”- Lady Gaga ft. Akon
~This is like if Nike’s “Just Do It” attitude and that “I Hope You Dance” song got together and had a baby.  It’s got the whole get out there and live like you’re dancing and life’s a party but instead of hoping you’re out there going for it.  Go for it in ‘09 people whatever it is, was, and forever will be.

Reality Show of the Year:
~Tila’s Shot at Love came to an end… twice.  New York went to Hollywood and Flav got married to a woman not on the show and sadly the Hogan’s got divorced, went to jail and/or moved(not in that order or all of them).  What is the world coming to without Tila, New York, ya boy, Flava Flav or Hulk Hogan knowing best?  Didn’t change much as there’s a dozen new ones to whet the palette.  That being said: I gotta go with Real Chance of Love.  Gotta.  How can you not laugh at the reality show, that is the spin-off, of a spin-off, of a spin-off, of a spin-off?  What is the world coming too or been at?

Food and Beverage Category:
Whole Foods, Water, and Tea.  All winners in this blog.

Coolest thing I did:
Spend three weeks in Hilo(longest in awhile), start training Jiu-Jitsu, realize I can draw, fasting, changing lifestyle, oh yeah, that’s all because I was unemployed.  It was really hard to be unemployed(shut your inner douches “yeah right” for one sec).  It was hard in that I had to really get out of my ego.  I had to trust that this was something that would put me into a better place.

In my life, I’ve been in positions where I made money, where I had “responsibilities”, where I contributed to society.  I’ve worked full-time and have a part-time job on the side or basically full-time and a full-time student while going to school for the past ten years, all because I thought I had too, thought that was right.  I did all of that and well, found life to be largely unappealing at many points because I hadn’t taken the time to get into myself, really know me, be okay being with me, and all that stuff that comes with solitude.  Bottom line I didn’t enjoy the moment, my life, or even knew what it took for any of that.

Unemployment allowed me that, for that, sacrificing my ego, dealing with the dirty or immediate judgmental looks of people, comments and then more looks from friends and family, was small compared to what I’m taking away because I threw out what I thought I was supposed to do and went inside.  So as much as there’s a part of me that is like ‘F-U pricks who want to guide my life” there’s a much larger part that can accept that feeling and allow the joy that comes with living to brighten those shadows.

Closing 08:
I’m in a place that’s pretty interesting.  I go back to the Legislature on Monday for my third session.  A year ago, I thought I’d only be back if I ran for office cause quite frankly, I didn’t want to go back.  Glad I didn’t run even though fate would have given me a unique chance at winning.  Glad I realized that there is more for me to learn in order to be better, so I can give more to my life, to the world.  Glad, I’m going back.

This is the third year I’ll be there and the last two years, when I was about to start, I remember thinking, wow, life is pretty fricking good, and last session was better than the first and each year of my life has been getting better too.  That being said, year three, third times the charm.  Whatever comes in ‘09 is going to be pretty spectactular as while this year symbolically I’m starting in the same situation, THE FEELING AND THE MOMENT THAT I OPEN MY EYES FOR THE FIRST TIME UPON WAKING IS THE SAME ONE EACH AND EVERY DAY.  And who knows what that day will hold.

Peace, roots, rock, reggae, one love, most of all: Aloha and Mahalo.  You all rock.  Stay classy and to ‘09, may it be “Hecka Slammin” for all of you.

A year ago, I wrote about Thanksgiving at the Dole House where friends become family.  While the Dole House event was successful and wonderful and (fill-in any and all great sounding adjective), we will not be repeating the fiesta as life is driving us to other areas.  This year Thanksgiving will be spent with other but equally important family, the ones bound by blood.

Earlier, I wrote what I was thankful for on my less-glamorous MySpace Blog:

“I thank Above and Beyond for all the blessings.  I thank you good people for keeping it real as can be.  And I thank me for having the perseverance not to throw away my ideals. ”

I’d like to expand on that here:

I also want to thank the Above and Beyond.

God to some, Buddha-Nature to others, Allah, Ganesh, Brahma, Ra, Osiris, Pele, and so many different names.  Above, Beyond, and I might add All-Around for me.  Thank all parts of You for paving the road on this beautiful journey.

I thank you good people for keeping it real as can be.

Truly, thank you all so much.  My family, my friends, that lady that helped me out of the blue to pick up a tie, my Coaches, that douche/saint who hit me with their car and never stop but opened my eyes to acceptance, everyone really because each cog is important in the life machina.  Oh and I can’t forgot to say thanks to that little girl who taught me how it important and great something so simple as a smile can be all those years years ago.  Mahalo nui loa to all of you.

And I thank me for having the perseverance not to throw away my ideals.

I can’t stress how important we each are in life, especially our own lives.  We are each the lead character in our own movie, our own book!!!  If you took Indiana Jones or Harry Potter out of their respective stories it wouldn’t be the same.

That being said, I’m thankful for having the strength to believe despite the challenges and the dark times. I am thankful for digging deep and pressing on through it all with my ideals on one sleeve and the knowledge that comes with learning from life experiences on the other.  I’m thankful for my gifts as well as my faults because they are here to aid me in this journey.  And I am thankful for the Aloha, the Spirit that is deep in my heart.

Our society faults us for being proud at times, in Hawaii, it’s a little more frowned upon.  I’ll be the first to say I can’t stand it when someone like Kanye West is a prick while at the same time be the first to say he makes some wonderful music.  Then there’s the things I’ve said about the number of politicians I’ve observed along the way, but you know, I feel many of them believe what they are doing is making the world better.  It’s those people, who honor and challenge our beliefs and feelins, who show us what’s deep within us.  All the good and not-so that we see in the world comes from within.  And well, I can’t fault anyone else for living their truth along the way.

This Thanksgiving is more about truly living for me and for once I’m going within to find out what that really is about.  I’ve but grazed the surface in this area but that’s not going to stop me from continuing in that direction.

Have a great Thanksgiving to any and all.  What a wonderful world we’ve created and I really mean that.

Mahalo ke Akua.

(shaka)

So yesterday I became a statistic that I didn’t want to be a part of on Oahu: I got hit by a car(a 2007 study indicated that at least one pedestrian was hit a day on Oahu). I was walking home and three houses away from where I live, a walk that I do on a near daily basis, a car sped by and I got clipped in the arm by its passenger side mirror. Thank you above for looking out for me because the driver did not stop despite the loud pop. Sure, they did slow a bit at first only to speed away after they saw me walk forward to retrieve what I had dropped.

A number of things ran through my head immediately from “OWWW F***” to “Great, now I can’t train” and of course, “I can’t believe the driver did not stop. Would they have stopped if they had hit more of me?” I paused, took a breathe, moved my arm, wrist and hand, then went home and iced it.

I sat down and it was like an epiphany occurred…

I realized that often in life there were so many things beyond my control, that the only thing that matters is I do my best and while I might intend for things to go one way, life also has its plan, therefore accept life as it is and keep working at life, keep seeking.

I’m a pretty sensitive person and for the most part I care alot about people. This has caused me to get hurt sometimes or wonder about the actions or lack of actions by others(family, friends, people in general) and just sit in bewilderment and sometimes more hurt.

I’m also quite critical of myself. I caught myself last night doing the same thing(“If only I’d been walking in some other place). After something occurs, I tend to revisit, reflect and determine my role in an effort to see if maybe I could have done something differently. While that is the case at times, I feel that people have a good gauge, an intuition, when something doesn’t feel right(and when it is) and we owe it to ourselves to honor that. Yet, in the past I have drifted toward blaming myself, repressed how I felt, even taking the approach of prostrating myself in order to remedy a solution or to make peace with it versus accepting something as it is or a people as they are.

Maybe it was the numb feeling that stemmed from my arm as it vibrated through me. Maybe it just the shock that I was hit by a car and the person didn’t care enough to stop. Or maybe it’s just me and has been all along and I realized that through it all, the so-called good, the so-called bad, I’m alive…

I’m at a place where I can accept things as they are without seeking to find an absolute answer because being alive is answer enough. And that answer can change in a moment, my life changes every second, with every breath. I don’t get it all but I feel like this is the first real step I’ve taken in my journey.

I can also accept me. Let others be as they are. The fact that I AM ALIVE is special enough, reason enough for me to feel good, to love, to pursue my dreams, to let go, to just be. I can finally accept that, for once in my life, accept that along with all the things in my life that have challenged me.

To the driver of the car, at first I may have had some choice words for you, my brother, my sister, whoever you are. And oddly enough thank you as this event has seemed to awaken something deep within.

It was reported today that Evan Tanner was found dead in the SoCal desert. Tanner is the former UFC Middleweight Champion. Tanner had an overall record of 32-8 and was Middleweight Champion prior to the reigns of Rich Franklin and Anderson Silva. He was a tough dude. Hawaii’s own Kendall Groves carved a split decision victory over Tanner recently, but there was a reason it was split, he just couldn’t be put away. He took some cracks that lesser opponents would have quit but his performances were pure heart.

Tanner had planned a journey into the desert, a spiritual journey, and had undertook such treks in the past. On his blog, he hints at the possibility of how dangerous this one would be. Can’t say this was what he intended to be the outcome but I hope wherever his soul is, it’s resting.

Mahalo nui loa for the memories. You were a true warrior.

“It is a shame that in this society we’ve been taught to judge a man’s worth by what he owns instead of who he is. Everything is surface, and so few look beyond it. A man will sell his soul, he will lie, cheat and steal, for money. If he has it, he can buy respect. Wear the right clothes, drive the right car, have the right friends, that’s all that matters. Our lives are consumed in a selfish, self absorbed quest for possessions, the latest and the best in a never-ending cycle until the day we die. We forget what it means to be truly human. We forget the things that really matter. We lose the magic of what life should be.

I won’t live by rules that make no sense to me.”

- Evan Tanner

Absolute(from dictionary.com):
4. free from restriction or limitation; not limited in any way: absolute command; absolute freedom.

Truth:
Too many definitions and none of which I FEEL(my own truth if you will) are pertinent to the discussion and I like Wikipedia’s opening paragraph on truth so you can read that:

“The meaning of the word truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular.[1] The term has no single definition about which a majority of professional philosophers and scholars agree. Various theories of truth continue to be debated. There are differing claims on such questions as what constitutes truth; how to define and identify truth; the roles that revealed and acquired knowledge play; and whether truth is subjective, relative, objective, or absolute. This article introduces the various perspectives and claims, both today and throughout history.”

What is absolute truth?

Since the word truth has “no single definition about which a majority of professional etc. agree” and since the absolute definition I like is free from restriction, don’t you think that it can be anything and everything, all or nothing?

For me my truth has evolved over the years. I long felt that I had to do this, this and that a certain way so at first it was school. School didn’t give me much in terms of finding an absolute truth as when in reality it doesn’t so much matter how I did it, as the lessons have been taught in a variety of fashions and in venues other than school. Good-character and “success”(I find good-character far more worthwhile) has been cultivated around the world.

Then what. Work. No. Money. Ha, go worship money and you’ll find yourself broke or miserable or both. Love. Ever notice how once the honeymoon period is over the flame cools and then you find yourself looking at someone who you don’t even know who they are or what they are about.

Answer JMAW. An answer. I’m going with my truth which is to recount and share my own “false idols” if you will. Bare with me. I’m a spiritual traveler/poet/doodler/aspiring t-shirt mogul. I’m painting a grand picture for you.

There is no complete answer that will suffice other than go within. See what is going on. What is your soul really telling you? I doubt it’s telling rappers to get that extra blue diamond grill for 30 g’s or get bigger implants or whatever random randomness you can come up with.

In my opinion, it is that peaceful feeling you get in the backyard your backyard filled with plants like a rain forest, that feeling you get holding your dog and (s)he looks at you with unconditional love, that genuine smile that some people have that beams from their heart, that floating in the palm of the ocean’s hand with your eyes closed, that (fili in the blank). I suppose it’s those moments where words really do no justice and all you can do is feel.

That to me is absolute: not limited in any way. That to me is truth: cannot be described or agreed upon. That is the subject of the picture, everything else, well it’s important enough, but merely a backdrop when you take in the entire masterpiece.

Shoots.

JMAW

Adam Sandler is pretty good. I remember his silly comedies and while the comedies are still coming out, they aren’t quite so silly and instead comment on the world condition.

Wait, stop, what? Am I serious. You are damn skippy.

Reviewing Sandler’s last two movies(I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry; Don’t Mess With the Zohan), I’ve come to the conclusion that he has found a brilliant way to provide social commentary. He lures the audience in with a seemingly insane and silly comedy that people hope to be like Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison. While those characters went on a similar journey of personal growth, the subject matter in the most recent films have been the most controversial. Both movies end with the point of increased tolerance, wrong for behaving and believing in a different way, and having learned.

I have to give credit to the man for that. He has found a good formula to comment on the world and even offer alternatives/new.

Chee huu to you buddy!

Now if only some of the powers that be would think about the movies lidat…