The Simple Voice

I know I am supposed to write.  I have literally seen the writing on the wall.  Throughout my life, family, friends, random strangers, psychics, and so on have told me to be a writer.  I put it off for a long time and then finally picked up the literary sword a few years ago.  While I have plied my craft here and there, really just training in that time period, I have come to see how I have a way with words, how I play with words, how there is something crying out to be shared with the world in these words.

And yet, I avoid writing.  It’s like a plague.  I don’t know why or how I became afraid of a wonderful way to live out a passion but I have become afraid.  I am here today to examine why that may be?

Lack of interest… On my part, that of most people I have loved.  I used to take great offense that people who I care about didn’t care about my writing.  I realize now that I was seeking validation from others when really I am the only one who can truly validate my work.  So we’ll scratch lack of interest then…

What to write about…  Now sometimes, I have so many ideas, I haven’t an idea where to start.  This is certainly a big theme.  Yet, I’ve recently begun to keep a log of ideas and have started many of the newer ones.  Can’t be this option…

Belief…  I’m going to gander that this is the culprit.  In the past, it was lack of belief.  Belief in myself, belief in what I was about, where I was going, etc.  I certainly didn’t believe in the past that I could make it as a writer.  I wanted that magical happening to come in and then I would write or go and do something. I guess you could say I wanted the money to come before the work.

I can’t say whether I fully believe that I am to be a writer.  I see myself writing, being successful at that while pursuing other dreams.  I think writing shall be something that I do.  Why?  Haven’t figured all that out yet but maybe 20 years from now, I’ll have most of the material down and can write a memoir.  Until then, guess you’ll just have to stop by for a reading on the old site or find me in a newspaper, magazine, and/or bookstore.

Oh yeah, since I have an idea of the root of this fear, I’d have to say that it is no longer a challenge and I am not afraid.  The wind just gusted.  Could it be that the world just shuttered at the thought of a JMAW unafraid of writing and writing to just write.  Nah, not fear, love maybe, a bit of finally maybe, but the Universe is surely not afraid of lil ole me.

There are circumstances and events in life that spiritual types would lump into the “Is” and/or “the All” categories.  While I agree with that assessment on a deep level, for the average conscious experience, which fills the majority of our lives, these happenings are pretty weird.

As my 20’s draw to a close, I can now see how many strange experiences I have had that influenced my life.  There are things that have happened that are certainly not conversation starters (i.e. seeing the energy of a tree move, channeling, etc.).  There have also been some occurrences that are just truly unexplainable but seem to make sense in an odd sort of way as I watch the events of my life unfold.

The one thing that I’d really like to say about the weirdness of the life journey is this: everything works out.  I don’t know how or why but everything truly works itself out.  I spent a large amount of my 20’s stressed, worried, or angry about things beyond my control.  I have heard  people say “don’t worry” or “be happy” or (fill in the blank) in regards to stress.  I would try hard to apply that to my life but I still had this need to know or control the situations I encountered. Life can be a challenge and I remind myself to let go each day.

The only thing that has helped to alleviate this stress and frustration is that I try to remember to feel what I’m experiencing and trust that in some weird way it works out.  Feeling has been important because it helps to get my out of my mind and acknowledge my experience.  Trust is more than just blind faith.  It is an inner knowing that I am playing a part in something grander and I just have to keep taking one step at a time and live from moment to moment.

The only proof I can offer is this.  Think about a time in the past when the world felt like it was ending (lost love, bills, school, work, whatever).  Probably sucked and not in any way that was fun.  Now, think about how it passed (falling in love again, paying the bills, finding a new job, etc.).  Totally weird!  What about the times where that random hero popped up at just the right time to say just what you needed to hear.  Look at all of that and see how things just worked out.  Pretty crazy, huh?

Life can surely be unnerving but if you trust the weirdness and that it all works out, then it can truly be exhilarating.

I recall lying in my bed as a child and looking at a baseball. I remember clearly stating that “life is like baseball, sometimes you hit one out, sometimes you strike out” to my cousin. He just laughed and has not let me live that one down.

Well today, probably two decades later minus some change, I am going to compare life to a spinning record. Life can be like a single with just your favorite song and instrumental on it. Or it can be like an entire album packed with songs you love and some that are just filler. Life can also suck, like much of the music of 90’s according to 80’s music fans (not me, I was down with rap in the 90’s = ).

Most albums are in-between. A little bit of this, a little bit of that to make money and possibly do a little more next time around (only thing in life there is no guarantee there is a next time around).

Sometimes though, you find that rare record. You know the one that is filled with an amazing play list and the b-side/bonus tracks are equally if not more stellar. It doesn’t take rocket science to feel the hit-ness of this type of record. It just is.

And that folks is why life is like a spinning record. So which record is your life playing these days?

At times, living this life seems more like being tangled up in a variety of challenges rather than lightly floating from the lotus flowers to the clouds of nirvana in enlightenment.

I have felt a deep range of emotion in the last few weeks due to the events of my life. A friend asked me yesterday, “what kind of karma do you have?” and all I could really do was muster a laugh.

Though I have felt caught up in the mix of mundane monotony. I still feel strongly about this experience of being as amazing. The different emotions are merely a part of this body that at times I have resented and at other times loved.

So long story short, I suppose you could say, I am just striving to stay afloat in the chaotic beauty of the ever unfolding unconscious and appreciate the range of what this experience gives me: good, bad, ugly, funny, weird, all lovely…

My intuitive abilities have been rapidly increasing or showing themselves recently. What began as gut feelings awhile back and led into channeled writing and tarot reading is now, dare I say, a full blown adventure with the supernatural and unknown.

I don’t know what exactly is the cause for all of this. An adviser told me that April, May, and June would be the months of my empowerment. Her guides told her that I had experienced my enlightenment around the same time last year.

Maybe one day, I can collate all my thoughts but for now I’ll stick with what happened last week. For lack of storyteller’s sake, let me just bullet my experiences from this past week in chronological order:

~Seeing auras during training for a new job
~Sensing danger in my heart chakra while looking out a passenger window of a car and seeing that the driver was looking at her nails and able to draw her attention to the cars stopped ahead allowing her to pull off the road
~Talking to a playful spirit who asked that I look under my front doormat and thanked me
~Watching Jessica start to sneeze and take it away from her in my own nose

Here’s the week prior:
~Felt a deep connection and sense of gratitude to the Universe for my life, feeling an euphoric energy course through me
~Feel the nervousness of fellow competitors in my heart chakra when I had been calm just seconds earlier and someone new entered my space
~Saw an aura of a friend, tinged with green, had it verified but another party, to learn that green reminded this person of his deceased father, and sensing that his father wanted the message conveyed that he was still there
~Gave my first reading without using tarot cards

The only thing I can deduce as cause for this growth is that I feel like I am coming into my own. If this were of a movie, the coming of age part would have concluded leading to the lead character blossoming into…

And therein lies the rub. What am I blossoming into? I know where I’d like to be five years from now. I really feel that the Universe has revealed a part of what I am to do in my life. But how do I get there?

Now as much as my intuition is growing, I dare not ask that question. The question I ask when I channel, is what does the Universe want my Conscious mind to reflect on.

I’ll keep you posted…

~I feel like I walk between two worlds. No Blade humor intended. What I mean by this is that I feel as though I exist in this contemporary age and at times buy into it’s trappings however, I realize this is just an illusion, my life merely a stroke of a brush on a giant universal canvas, and I am just strolling through because my soul has a reason for doing so…

~I pulled my left calf muscle. Ouch/FrickDamnit/etc. Kind of bummed because I wanted to push it in Jiu-jitsu but oh well. Will have to make do with the hand I’m dealt.

~I realized what I want to do with my life. Now I just have to get there. LMAO.

~I am torn between staying in Hawaii and moving. If I can find work that allows me to move freely and compete in Federation tournaments across the continental US and even further than I’ll stay because I love the Gracie Barra I’m at and I traveling frequently makes staying in Hawaii cool. If I can’t, then I’m totally down to peace out and try a new scene so long as I find a great place to train…

~Note: My life is geared around training because I feel strongly that what I want to do with my life involves opening up my own school someday and teaching. What a dream that would be!

~I won $3 in the lottery. Kind of cool. Always thought I’d win millions as a kid and travel. Good thing I held on to those tickets eh?

~I suppose that’s it for now. Chee huu peeps!

There is a need for a masculinism. Why you may ask? Because this disconnected “man’s world” is out of touch with what it really means to be a man.

In the predominantly, alpha male/machismo culture that exists today, men snuff out any type of feeling and sensitivity, unless it’s anger. We’re quite efficient at anger. What happens when someone (this goes for you too ladies) suppresses feelings, it manifests in many ways until it is addressed.

At first, it could come in a dream. A man may find himself dressed as a woman in a dream. The average alpha wannabe will freak out and as a result feel a sense that his masculinity is challenged. This is not the case. Most likely the feminine energy of that man asking to be acknowledged and the subsequent over-compensation of running to the gym or trying to sleep with someone could be avoided.

What follows if this goes on, will be an outburst that is probably very extreme (think going postal…). If a feeling is suppressed and not acknowledged, the Universe in conjunction with the sub-conscious finds a way to bring this to light.

If this goes one over time, illness and dis-ease takes hold in the body. Modern western medicine has created drugs that will suppress emotion and feeling further but then the body becomes weighed down, either through weight gain and/or decay of the organs and system.

It’s no wonder that stress is amongst the leading causes of death. In fact the three leading causes of death in America, heart disease, obesity, and stress are all linked to the suppression of our feelings.

It’s okay to feel guys. It’s necessary to feel if the world is to evolve to its next phase.

To be continued…

…

We shall begin with “dot dot dot” and continue with:

Hello World!!!

Did you miss me?  Oh, all four dear readers, you had to know that when I mentioned retirement earlier in the year that JMAW couldn’t stay retired forever.   Visual art was fun.  Not writing was a bit of alright but I find that I have more to express than ever.

Retirement is but a blink these days and you know I’m great internally, and quite frankly, that’s pretty phenomenal, so it’s kind of obvious why I’d be back into sharing through writing so soon.

But enough about me, let’s look at a few short-lived retirements and how they turned out:

• Randy Couture- 13 month lay-off to come out of retirement and move back up and recapture the UFC Heavyweight Championship at 73, okay, more like 45, either way: EPIC and truly inspirational
• Michael Jordan (the first time)- drops 55 points against the Knicks after a rocky return games, loses in the playoffs, comes back and rattles the second Bulls trilogy…
• Michael Jordan (the second time)- no championship but still put in some performances that were amazing
• Brett Favre – love him or hate him, he’s better than most of the other starting QB’s in the NFL and with the Vikings could be pretty crazy to watch for one more go
• Clarence Waipa- the guest speaker at my high school graduation, my 11th grade Art and Hawaiian History teacher, who retired that year and came back after speaking at our graduation to teach generations more at St. Joseph High School in Hilo town

While I love MMA and at one time loved basketball, no retirement stands out more to me than the last one.  Mr. Waipa was an interesting character.  I will be honest and say I don’t remember much from either class but something stood out about Mr. Waipa coming back to work at St. Joseph.

He’d been a teacher for decades already.  He was in a position where he could retire.  But he just loved what he did and wanted to keep on doing that.

Like the athletes, mentioned above, nothing left to prove, already great, but something else left in the tank.  I don’t know where my path will go and how it will unfold but I hope that I might someday leave the world something because at 29 years young, I am nowhere near running on empty.

I haven’t done anything “great” on a macro level but I know that on the micro level, my own being as micro as can be, that I am great compared to a few years ago, good to a few months ago, and the more I change, the more the world changes.  The more I heal, the more the world heals.  Now add all of us into that equation, we change, we heal, wow, the world really has changed, has healed…

So it’s Hello World, JMAW 3.0 because I’m a new version.  By the end of my days I hope to be at 4.0(how’s that JOY? wink wink) as 4 is what famed psychiatrist Carl Jung felt to be a balanced and whole number and various traditions.

To quote the Mayor of Hanalei: “Keep Livin’ the Dream”

Shoots.

JMAW

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth and I don’t have to be what you want me to be.  I’m free to be what I want.”

The words of Muhammed Ali, a man who for better or worse defied everything, did it his way.  While these words resonate for me, about the only thing I can say that differs is that I feel more than I know.

To me, knowledge is fleeting.  While I have always sought and believed in something more, I now realize that it was more a seeking meaning versus knowing.  The more I know, the less I actually do, it limits me.  I was once told: the moment you label is the moment you begin to close the doors on every other possibility.

But feeling, feeling is everything.  I remember throughout the darkness of adolescence telling people “I hate feeling, I hate being human.”  I have a greater understanding today why that is and I’m sure it will grow deeper with the turning of the pages in my story.

I believe that life in its simplest form is energy, it is feeling.  How we experience those feelings may be different but ultimately, if we allow it, that feeling itself can be shared.  So while we can never walk in another’s shoes, we can surely empathize(at times sympathize) with a feeling and share this journey with others in a deeper, fuller way.

Children are the greatest example.  Haven’t you seen where one child cries and other children begin to cry as well?  It’s because they feel.  They feel so much, love, and enjoy every aspect of being.  Society has not yet tainted everything for them.

All this being said, what’s my point, yada yada yada, we really are truly free to be what we want.  We are free to connect with others and live one long experience of meaning.

That is the one thing I’ll say I feel that I know.  (Wink wink).

Shoots.

JMAW

Happy St. Valentine’s Day World!!!

Or Single Awareness Day or Corporate Holiday or all of the above depending on where you fall in the spectrum relating to February 14th, 2009.

In my opinion, love people all the time, celebrate your love with your Signif. always. But if you do have a special someone or plural(eh, I don’t know, some people got mad love to give, who am I to judge), I hope you’re out there having an extra sense of celebratory joy going on today.  I’ll leave it short and sweet at that though as a poet…

“I must say that love a love ever so sweet, one that is purest in the moment, a moment, which if I could prolong, I would, for even though life is but one long day, the passing moments since the moment our eyes last danced seems to me an eternity…”

If only you could go Pro at being a poet.  I always wanted to go Pro but that’s a different story and sport…

Here’s some random facts of February 14th, that you may or may not know:

~It’s in February.  Since the adoption of this calendar cycle, February, and all other months have incorporated a 14th day into the equation.  Who would’ve figured?

~Named after two martyred dudes(Saints) named Valentine.

~Valentine’s were originally hand-written notes expressing love between two(or more, we don’t know how they did back in the day) lovers.

~The day became associated with romantic love the time of Chaucer, when courtly love began to flourish.  I can hear all the guy’s right now, “Chaucer, dat buggah…”

~The U.S. Greeting Card Association reports that St. V’s Day is second in greeting card holidays behind none other than Christmas.  I bet Cupid is shaking his fist as his arrow seemed to miss on that one.

~The U.S. Greeting Card Association also reports that men spend twice as much on Valentine’s Day then women.  Hmm….

Again, spread the Aloha today.  Have fun, and if you can’t do it 24/7 then, well, you got probs in my opinion,nah, nah, it’s hard, but gotta keep striving.

But, in closing, with my Joe Moore moment:

Finally, did you know, in the UK, they celebrate St. Dwynwen’s Day on January 25th.  That’s right, now you can celebrate your love in January and February and in Brazil, they have Dia dos Namorados, Day of the Enamored, in June, and in Finland, and in Korea…

Ho, I see a pattern, special love days around the world, maybe, just maybe, it really is possible to celebrate a day of love each and every day.  And if it’s not, it’s only a matter of time before you see cards for St. Dwynwen’s at Hallmark.

Shoots.