Monthly Archives: March 2012

Bullets : A Clipful of Words

My Heart

My Heart’s like a gun /

And my words / Each One’s like a bullet /

My delivery / The Trigger /

About Time that I pull It

 

First Shot

Deep in the mines of Earth, splintered mind /

Mining for gold /

Only coal you’ll find /

But Diamond Behold /

If you truly Know /

That Glow from Within /

Your Soul Glistening /

Stop, shhh, don’t speak, get to Listening /

The Voice of the Spirit /

There / Right There / Do you Hear It ? /

Can you feel It ?

So close are you /

No need to be near it /

Beat beat of the Heart /

The Bass of a Drum /

Mindful Gun /

Watch Collective Ego go and run, run, run /

 

In the Chamber

There in the chamber /

Ready to roll /

Strike deep / Fear’s in Danger /

Let the feelings flow/

Oh Shadowy Intuitive Strange-er /

Ready to embrace, just wants to hold /

You like the Inner Child you are /

Let go relax, watch your path Unfold

 

Bullseye

Pop / Pop / Pop /

Won’t stop/

Til my Ego drop /

Rum / Pum / Pum

My Bullet’s fired /

From a Loving Gun empowered/

In the ether /

Went from Seeker /

To Speaker /

Once a Listener /

Always a Listener /

And that right there Glistener /

Is how you hit the mark /

It’s the way to roll free of Soul’s Night Dark

oh so Dark /

 

Clik Clak

Click clack /

Clack click /

Drop to your knees /

Bow your head if you please /

If You only knew your only need /

That is, what your Soul need’s to feed /

And if you feed off the Spiritual Water / That which is your only need /

No longer will you suffer or eternally bleed

 

 

 

 

 

AUM Redux: The Pursuit of Happiness Through Mr. Rager

The song Mr. Rager by Kid Cudi has been on my repeat and bouncing around for a hot minute like no other in my brain, I feel it, I agree with it, it vibes me, and yeah.  When I saw the video, it felt like a dream, a dream I had dreamed before and one that I could not interpret when seeing it in my own life. But in the video it makes the imagery so clear for me. Its entirety coupled with my experiences give me this…

I was attempting to break it down step by step but I think I’ll hold on and make it my Thesis or my Dissertation should I choose to go the academic route.  For now, I will share the dream that happened to me this morning.

It began as I exited a dream myself.  I awoke from either a really long dream or a double-feature dream, can’t really tell.  My day continued and I made my way to the University of Hawaii at Manoa, a place where I spent a few years working and studying (or something like that but I did get a degree out of it) and took part in an experience that was most welcome.  I exited and felt good.  I don’t know why but I felt good.  I felt like I was back on my Path or at least I realized that I was always on it and that life had given me what I sought at the University.  Probably a little bit of all of the above.

I was never really off the Pat but when I left UH so many years ago, everything was spinning, and what I was doing there today was the first step to getting back in line with something that meant something because it was something that meant something, plain and simple (repetition by design).

And that’s the thing, repetition is by design, repetition in lessons until we get them, similar themes, people, and so forth, each piece of the puzzle smoothing, sanding us down, refining us so that we figure out what we are seeking, why we are here, or who knows, maybe just accepting the Journey as it is and letting it all unfold and be what it is and could only be.

And that’s not an easy process.  I’ve fougt the ride, I have clung, I have run until I reached a point where I knew not what to do but go with it, the beating I was experience through fighting life was too much.  Each experience, each breath gives us clues and reflections of our wholeness.  The dreams serve to show us the energy and should we ignore them, well, life is just a seemingly endless series of wtfraks.

The breadcrumbs in the writing illustrate my own chaos, my own confusion about life, yearning to truly Know that there was something more but not knowing how exactly to get there.  So many highs, so many lows.  As I strive towards the summit, to see the Light, it’s not the Dark that must win.  It’s misunderstood to be the Dark when really it is the Shadow that must set the other parts of us free, the energy within us that does not wish to acknowledge who we really are…

In the Mr. Rager Video, Kid faces off against his own Inner World and the video ends with him getting stabbed by his identical shadow.  It is that shadow in the beginning of the video/dream sequence that bears the light and stands at the highest point.  It is that Shadow that meets him as Kid battles his way through other characters from his Inner World, only to finally be blinded by his Anima, his feminine energy, his naturally Intuitive side, which allows him to finally meet the Shadow.  In so doing, he is embraced by the Shadow, set free from the suffering it would seem, and finally he awakes.

The more I move through life in blind fashion by allowing my Intuition to be, not fight it but allow it to guide me, the stronger the embrace of the Shadow becomes, and it is in that embrace, that I truly see.

In recent weeks, I have asked for clarity.  The other day I asked for freedom.  Today as I walked through UH, as I returned to my long-time home for the first time in many years, as I watched a gentlemen juggle as would the fool, as I saw the Tarot Deck and it’s archetypes alive around me, I smiled.  I said yes.  Because I had learned through life what I thought a Degree would give me.  Someone once told me, there are infinite degrees, one degree, two degrees, three, whatever, are merely degrees of knowledge.  And college is cool, but that wasn’t what I was seeking.

I thought, hey the Degree would mean happiness.  Nope.  Then I thought the job was it.  Nada.  And I always thought the relationship with the One would be it.  Not that either.

Eight years ago, I was told by my first mentor, one day, I would only smile.  It’s funny because do not know if I will only smile but I’ll tell you what, I smile a darn lot these days and I can accept when I’m not smiling because it teaches me too.  I no longer fight it.  Because happiness to me being able to walk in the middle, to find the beauty in all thins.  Because if you look, really truly take the time to reflect, you will see beauty and love are always there.  And that makes me happy…

I appreciate that.  I love that.  I can get down with that.  Because like Kid Cudi said before Mr. Rager:

“I’m on the pursuit of happiness and I know,
Everything that shines ain’t always gonna be gold
I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be goooood.”

 

AUM Redux: Circles Done Closing…

Circles, I like to close them.  It’s funny because when you close a circle, it means that something is over, it’s done, it’s pau, as we say in Hawaii.

A few weeks or maybe it was months ago, I told my cousin, Keone, that I felt like I was closing a circle working out in Kaneohe again.  He said to me that when you close a circle it means your done…

At the age of 26, just short of the start of my Saturn Return [I argue that is when it started because that's when sh** done started to go crazy], I told the Universe, I had my Heart-to-Heart with God and said: I’m going to live my Dream, whatever that is.

So I let a relationship end without a fight, I accepted it, I quit my job, and I decided it was time for me to do something.  I’d no idea what but I had to do something different, you know?  I was in Kaneohe at that time in a situation similar to what I’m in now.

Literally, quote unquote.  I said, “I’m going to live my dream, whatever that is.”  Gotta be some Poet/Free Spirit to say that because it was a plan without a plan.  But how does one break free when one has not done it before?

And what’s the point of living if we aren’t free?  People have fought slavery and oppression almost since it’s inception.  Why then, can we not fight for spiritual liberation?

Bob Marley said to “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.”  I’ve seen that quote on t-shirts, psychedelic multi-colored looking posters, heard it sung, and so forth.  But what does that quote mean?  Why does it speak to us?

I think it coincides with the whole dream idea, because the dream is to be free.  I didn’t realize it, remember now, I didn’t have a plan for freedom, I had plans for relationships, jobs, and to make money but I had no plan for freedom so I didn’t realize that was my dream.

To be free from suffering because it came no matter what the others plans achieved or accomplished.  Every damn time.  And I’m not saying I don’t acknowledge pain, death, and so forth because…

Pain will happen, no doubt, that’s just a part of the deal, you know?  Lik you buy a car, you gotta put gas, you gotta do some things here and there.  So pain doesn’t matter much in the suffering equation because I can accept it.  I may not like it but I can accept same as I can accept fear, doubt, frustration. Very real feelings, unpleasant at best, but valuable teachers nonetheless.  Just like anger and melancholy can be just as monumental for growth as joy.

But I fought every feeling.  I didn’t want any of it.  I wanted the illusion of the dream as how it was pitched, which included job, relationship, money, etc.  Now I’m not saying any of those are bad, but in my opinion, those alone will not give us any lasting satisfaction for what we seek is freedom from the shackles that our minds are enraptured with since birth.

I’ve cried tears, many tears, the lines of which run deep, though no other see them and though I only feel them and the salt water that ran through my eyes have helped me to understand that my dream is about really freeing myself, knowing myself, letting myself be okay with being myself.

And I learn more and more about what that means to my unique path, multiple times throughout the day.  And it’s funny because it is liberating, it is challenging, it is enjoyable, it carries me, it fulfills me.  And therein lies the answer to what I sought…

The themes of living my dream began with shedding unnecessary baggage, showed me the value of balance, it lead me through the healing of the deepest wound/that separation from the Divine, gave me confidence, showed me that what I truly seek is clarity and fulfillment, because when I allow both, then I feel free.

I always wanted a shared experience with someone.  I had no idea that could be myself.  It makes sense though, no other can be like me or know me just as I cannot be anyone else nor can I truly know what goes on between the earlobes of another.  But in growing into and allowing myself to be who I am, I can accept another for though the details of the Path of another are different, the Journey itself, what it is truly about, is the same.

I write this today because a Mirror appeared unexpectedly and it disappeared without causing me much emotion.  If anything, it showed me that I am one step closer to my freedom, my spiritual emancipation.  Not in a rushed fashion but one less attachment to drive the hurricane between my own earlobes insane.  And today that gives me some clarity and it feels fulfilling. It closes a circle I no longer need in helping me to walk.

I honor you, I thank you.  I love you though you may not know it in this life.  I release you.

 

AUM Redux: Slam

When I drove home, every night this past week, yes that’s every night, I slammed…

I always wanted to slam.  When I was a youth, I played basketball, so slamming was a big thing.  We’d play H-O-R-S-E on 8′ rims and do our best impressions of Michael Jordan from the free throw line or Isaiah Rider’s East Bay Funk Dunk or yeah.  The highest I ever slammed on was a 9′ rim.  It was probably more like 8’11″ because of people hanging on it but yeah, you get the point.

Something about soaring, flying through the air.  Something about flying through life…

So this past week, as I finished work near 11 each night and I made the trek up the mountain in the Dark of Night, driving through the rain, I felt a rumbling from the depths of my Soul and I had to speak, if only to myself and speak up for my Self.

First and foremost, as much as I’m a writer and sooner rather than later a published Author, I consider myself a Poet.  When I began writing on here, the only thing that came through, that which made me feel better was Poetry.  I didn’t necessarily like my raw poetic Voice and I hadn’t really developed or met my Conscientious Observer Voice.  But something about Poetry…

So I rolled with poetry because I have always had something to say.  And poetry was natural, it could capture anything, any experience, every feeling, and because I didn’t know a lick about how to really write it, I didn’t judge it, I just did it.

I recorded a couple slams in the past but see not liking voice above, I didn’t go very far with it.  But something this past week, for whatever reasons was roaring and I had to do it, not for an audience, but for myself.

It began like this:

My Heart

My Heart’s like a gun /

And my words /

Each one’s a bullet /

My delivery the trigger /

about time I pull it /

It’d be followed a few nights later by:

My Light is my Darkness/

But my Darkness/

My Darkness ain’t my Light/

Snippets, snippets I do share.  But man, this is a whole different form of expression and is screaming from the depths of me.  I can’t help but speak.  I  can’t remember all that I said while I was driving, but for some reason, I remember those two pieces because it made me think.  I wasn’t trying to do it, LOL, it just came out and I had to think about what each meant.  Still pondering.

So I wrote it down and it’s in my journal, just like the night I spoke a poem to a full moon.  A night when I felt truly alive. To be truly alive always, is that even possible?

I’m not dead.  I don’t feel like I’m flying right now, the plane is on the runway, I feel that much, and at least, I still feel alive.  And that’s progress for me. Because when I was in limbo periods in the past, I’d hate my life.

So yeah… while I can’t hang on the rim, hanging around ain’t really my thing.  I’m going to slam and Poet my way through what I do, when I do, how I do.

And with that: I’m out!

 

AUM Redux: Put You On Game

A few years ago, Lupe Fiasco had a song called “Put You on Game” that I greatly enjoyed.  The phrase is the same as putting someone on blast or for those who aren’t so hip-hop inclined, well, it’s airing some things.  This edition of AUM is me airing a few things…

On Email Threads

I have this growing email thread with a cat by the name of Doomsday, who has made it into the annals of AUM a few times now.  Well, he’s no longer a client, but emails me from time to time, and every time it’s the same as before about chaos and Darkness and bleh.  Whether the Dark is really truly plotting something, whether it targets one or more of us specifically, what can we really do but live our lives?  I mean seriously.  I have tried sharing this, I reinforce that my life is good and it is, not just me saying it, but feeling it, experiencing it because I accept it for what it is.  But he has an agenda and sees what he wants to see, which it’s like man, wt-efffffff.  Please stop putting your Darkness on me, Homie!

Do I have challenges?  For sure.  Is life all sunshine?  Obviously, between hail, tornadoes, and flash floods in Hawaii, on at least that level, it’s not all sunny.  But even then, with the weather, I’ve seen a few rainbows…

My point?  Well, doesn’t matter how many times you tell someone something, they have to figure it our for themselves.

Which Segues Nicely To…

Blowing smoke up my ass.  Little games that people play about their spiritual growth are lame.  Why can I say that, because I played them as well.  I have worked with people in the past and I can see the writing on the wall with what they are doing currently, yet there they go, trying to get me to believe in their B***S*** story.  That’s cool, you think what you do.  That’s great for whatever but I’m not taking your feelings folks for I am not responsible for them, so don’t look to me for validation of idiocy.  You won’t find it.  Read here and you’ll find countless examples of my own idiocy.  There are entries here that I cringe about but I leave them because it was where I was at and if anything, they are like bread crumbs..

There’s no point in jumping to any conclusion while you are alive.  I can say that now because how many freaking times have I concluded only for a new beginning to follow or grow disappointed because the expected conclusion turned out alot differently then my original expectation.

Let go, let Life.

Life is a never-ending story of realizations.  I can no longer conclude, all I can do is to realize further and further, learn, do my best to grow, cultivate and maintain, accept, be authentic, be True, and yeah.

It is what it is, it will be what it will be.  Either way does it matter, if one is not present?

In Closing

Super stoked on The Tales of Mr. E. and the King, the story is taking itself in directions I’d not envisioned.  VERY grateful I have a place to live, love that I work with good people who have amazing Hearts, and really stoked that I feel the Presence of the Spirit, get to see, listen, and hear so long as my own presence is there.

With that, I vented, I blasted. I’m O-U-T, out!

 

AUM Redux: Am I Dead?

I know this woman, she told me once before that she sometimes thinks or convinces herself that she is Dead, walking amongst living.  Not like Night of the Living Dead zombie “erm, brains” Dead but like not alive.  Hmmm, I guess you’d have to ask her what she meant because I get the sense I’m butchering what she meant…

My ex told me a month or two ago, as she was encountering Dark Spirits and called me out of the blue to exorcise or scrye or sage or whatever her new place, anyway, point being, she told me I was never afraid.  And that’s true in a sense.  I’m not afraid of Death.

For awhile I was afraid of having not lived, cliche as that may sound, but I was never afraid of Death.  I have often reflected on Death and if anything, we’re homies, and it’ll be the last Date I ever have in this life unless I figure out immortality but that is fairly and most probably unlikely.

That being said, sometimes, I do feel like I’m dead, like “really, is this it?” kind of feeling.  I find beauty and joy in the smallest of things but I also do feel confined from time to time.  I will admit that there’s an impatience that can arise, as The Wild One within howls, as I tend to move through experiences at a fast rate but I think what kills me (figuratively) is when I’m out of balance.

Balance is what I have the hardest time maintaining.  I’ve learned to cultivate it but I’m as human as the next person and each random hero challenge hits and it’s either react or respond.  In the past it was always react.  When I reacted before, I tended to dig deeper holes, self-sabotage, the whole nine yards of inviting chaos to have drink or something.  When I respond, I am more likely to accept and allow harmony to come over and hug me.  It’s a hard practice and while I’m more gentle with myself and my choices, doesn’t mean a snap of the fingers and a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine of life lessons go down that much more smoothly.

But that’s life, you know?  I once wrote I would dine on rage.  And I did, a few periods of life, I overindulged in it.  I have also snacked on depression, have had steady dose of melancholy on hand over the years.  But the trick, the thing that helps me to keep going when it gets overwhelming is to breathe, ask the Spirit for help, and for sure make sure to get my daily session of happiness and laughter because that’s medicine too, even if it’s just a small bit of it.

So I’m not dead.  But sometimes I feel like it.  And that’s okay too, whenever I acknowledge and accept whatever I’m feeling, it usually sparks creativity and gets me to find humor amidst seemingly tragic happenings. Like last week, I was doing laundry with some crack heads, a 6’5″ tranny and her 5′nothing boyfriend, some kid with holes in his pants trying to sell everyone drugs, and a happy Micronesian family.  It was an odd assortment of characters, not particularly pleasant but I imagined a scenario where Death was an entity like the IRS, and the average Death Collector was sitting there doing laundry, wondering, “Is this it? Really…”

So I laughed and now It’s cool.

; )

The Enchanted Tree

Chapter One – The Enchanted Tree

A Hawk flies through the dark of night, the darkness only broken up by the rhythmic pulse of Lady Lightning and her fingers.  He flies with purpose and has flown across many lands, through many planes of existence.  There’s been a Call and the Hawk is to summon One who is ready now for the Journey.

The Hawk tires, long has he flown, through many lives, not just as the Hawk, but as a man, as a beast, as creatures of a thousand names.  The Hawk knows this landscape very well though.  The destination is near, he feels its pulse for it’s not one for All, All for one, but One is All and All is One.  The black fields of ancient volcanic flows, long settled open up finally to a giant crater, The Crater Where All Life Began.  There in the center of the Crater is the mythical Enchanted Banyan, a tree some say was the first tree ever created, around the same time a seed of the Great Spirit dropped like but a beat, with a rhyme, as The Hand That Wrote It All began to Dream itself…

Lady Lightning dares not enter The Crater Where All Life Began, not because she is not welcome, but because its inhabitants, or shall we say, its largest inhabitant, likes to admire her for inspiration from a distance and an unspoken agreement do they have.  Only shall they dance when the first song’s over you see?

The Hawk looks deep and sees a swarm of fireflies lighting the way for him and sees a very small figure awaiting him on a branch.

“Snacks…” the Hawk says as he sees the Hairless Rat and three other rats behind him.  The Hawk swoops in and makes his landing in front of the rats, the Hairless Rat, not budging, the other three making their way back into the shadows.

“Lord Snacks.” the Hawk greets the Rat with a bow of the head.

“Hawk, Master of the Skies.”  Snacks replies as he walks over and fearlessly pats the beak of the Hawk.

“I’ve brought an urgent message for The Poet.”  The Hawk tosses a scroll over to Snacks.

“Poet?  That what he’s known as these days?  Oh he is going to love that they call him that.  He’s much more partial to the writing then the psychic and magic business.”  Snacks jokes as he scoops up the scroll.

“If only the Worlds knew that its Greatest Psychic aspired to be a writer.”  The Hawk said shaking his head.  “Wish a great many his intuitive ability…”

“It is what it is.  We’ve all dreams of some sort or another and a service as well, the service takes precedence, ultimately he believes that… but you know Red.”  Snacks replied.  “Please make yourself at home, my wife and the girls set up a nest for you in the highest branch of the Tree.”

“Much Gratitude my Lord.  Long traveled have I.  The kindness of the line of Snacks is known worlds over.” The Hawk answers.

“Well, you know what they say about rats being loving and all.”  Snacks brushes the compliment off.  “Now off we both go.”  Snacks leaps off the branch and the Hawk flaps his wings and heads up in the vast tree.

Snacks swings through some of the hanging roots of the Banyan, making his way with ease to the base.  He lets go lands against the trunk of the tree to scurry the rest of the way.  A light coming from below lighting the rest of the way to his destination…

The light is coming from a hut, a simple dwelling made of bamboo, only large enough for but an occupancy of one or two, though this hut was quite magical as it was home to a cast of 29 characters.  It is here that Snacks lives with his wife, Naps, a Fancy Rat with a sleek black coat, and their 25 children.  While that accounts for 27 little characters, there remains but two more…

Snacks climbs through a little window and heads towards one more member of the household, a monkey with a mane like that of a lion, small squared glasses, and some of the finest garments the eye ever beheld, a mixture between a suit and something that couldn’t be real, could it?

Snacks scurries up the table leg where the monkey is drifting to sleep, quill in hand, moving somehow.

“Red.”  Snacks calls out nudging the monkey’s arm to no avail but the quill stops, turns to an angle, as if to listen.

“Red!” Snacks yells and monkey does not budge.

“He’s going to hate this…” Snacks says, opening his mouth and taking a bite into Red’s finger.

“AWW! What gives Snacks?”  Red yells shaking his hand as he is stirred awake, his chair flying backwards, catching itself before he sprawls all over.

Snacks tosses the scroll over and it opens up and floats in front of Red’s semi-reclining body.  Red snatches the scroll from the air, adjusts his chair to its proper angle, and opens the scroll, which reads itself aloud.

To:

The Poet,

Also known as Mr. Red E. Now,

Also known as Creation’s Greatest Psychic,

Also known as All the Worlds Greatest Psychic,

Also known by too many names similar to those above,

And whose time it is to become a bit more Mystical:

RE: The Call

You are being called on the Journey, my Dear-uh!

Love you much,

Grandma U.

Red looks over at Snacks, who is eating some cheese and bread, left over from Red’s plate.  Naps hates it when Snacks leaves but Red couldn’t possibly undertake the Journey without Snacks, could he?

Red rolls up the scroll and tucks it in his pocket.  He tries to turn away non-chalantly.  “Think I might take a stroll outside, Snacks.  Get the light will you?”  Red grabs a hooded cloak, a red-feathered ball cap, and a card with an Ace of Diamonds on one side and Ace of Spades on the other side, and walks outside.

“For “Greatest Psychic” being amongst his titles, one would think he would be more subtle in his exits.” Snacks says to the Quill while stuffing another morsel in his mouth.  The Quill seems to nod in agreement.

Snacks closes his eyes and leaps off the table, landing on a nearby bookshelf.  He makes his way down the shelf and around the back.  There at the base lies his Kingdom.

“I have some peas and carrots on the table.” Naps says grooming Spot, a fast growing lad.

“Going to have to pass Mum.”  Snacks says.

“I figured with all the to-do over The Hawk’s arrival.  I packed a few of your favorite things in your pack, it’s by the door.”  Naps replied, putting Spot down and walking over to her husband.  They nuzzle and Snacks gives her a lick.

“You bring him back.”  Naps says.

“Really?  No good luck, be careful, I’ll miss you.  But bring him back.”  Snacks says in shock.

“Oh, Babe!” Naps says.  “I believe in you.  It’s Red that I worry about.  You know how he can get stuck in the crack in his mind sometimes.”

“True.  That mind of his, like a hurricane, tormented albeit brilliant to behold and only at the very center, calm.”  Snacks replies.  They say their last good-byes and Snacks hurries out across the floor of the bamboo home.  He makes it outside and sees Red on one knee looking up at the sky.  Lady Lightning has ceased her painting for the day and it looks as though all the colors of the sky weave into one.  Snacks runs over and climbs up into the hood of Red’s cloak.

“… and thank you for another day.  And may all the hungry Souls of the many planes of each and every of the worlds be nourished.”  Red finishes his ritual.  Red looks over his shoulder at Snacks and says with a bit of relief, “So nice of you to join me.”

“We’re not called The King and Mr. E. for nothing.”  Snacks shoots back.

Red laughs and replies, “No biting on this next part, eh?”

Snacks smiles without an answer of yes or no and laughs.  Red pauses and start to focus.  He closes his eyes briefly and when he opens them they start to glow with a Green Light.  He turns his head, a mischievous look in his eyes and points his staff ahead, the end of it glowing bright green like Red’s eyes and the portal opens right in front of them.

“As many times as we’ve done this Red, it still excites me!” Snacks exclaims.

“As well it should good Friend.” Red says.  “Alright, let’s see where the Invisible Thread takes us this time.  Hold on…”

Reds walks through and the two disappear as the portal closes behind them.

 

 

 

Prologue: The Old Wolf

Prologue- The Old Wolf

“Now let me clear me throat…”

A rhinocerous of a Bailiff clears his throats and looks at the crowded Court Room.

“All rise.”  He says in a metallic rasp.  “All rise for the Honorable Judge Morgan.”  The courtroom obliges, all save for a Character with a hood over his head, seated at the Defendant’s table.  The Public Defender kicks the Character, who perks up and lifts his hands, both clasped in chains.  The lawyer looks troubled and helps up the man.

“Quit monkeying around.” He whispers to the Character who replies.

“I can’t help but be me’self Guv’nor.” The Character replies.

“Quit the accent, we’re not in England, just because every great story and movie begins in England doesn’t mean we’re in England.”

“Oh, old Boy, you’re no fun in this incarnation.  And not every great story begins in England, I can think of at least three out of six that began in space…” The character replies.

The lawyer brushes off the comment as a skinny, young woman with glasses,an attempt to betray her youth and years enters to a hush.  It’s as though a cold air has entered with her and without being told, well, the plot thickens.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

“You may be seated.” The Bailiff announces.

“Now what do have we hear on the docket.” The Judge says with a flick of her hair.

“The Prosecution has come forth to bring a most egregious act before you, your Honor.”  A flashy, toothy smile says amidst some gelled hair and a pinstripe suit.

“You see, what this Character has done,” he pulls a scroll out and unfurls it before the Judge and the Jury, “should be illegal in the past, present, and future, it’s an act that is unnatural, is unlawful, lewd, awful, grotesque…”

“Objection.” The Defender states.

“Sustained.” Judge Morgan snaps.  “I like to hear all that the prosecution has to say in all of my cases.  You may continue, Counselor.”

“Aw, yes, well, this Mr. Crimson Red…”

“Now hold on, Love, it’s one thing to listen to a laundry list of accusations and it’s quite another to call a man a name without seeing his face first, isn’t it?”  The Character interrupts.

The Judge adjusts her glasses, as if only noticing for the first time, that the Character is wearing a hood over his head.  She leans over to the Bailiff and whispers. “Why is his face covered?”

The Bailiff looks back, just as puzzled.

“Your Honor,” The Prosecutor continues. “Regardless of what his face may or may not look like, Crimson Red is a criminal of the most vile kind.  As if being a Universally known writer…”

“Poet.”  The Character says cheerily.

The Prosecutor looks at the hooded Character and turns his head in dismay that he was interrupted yet again.  The Judge seems to be in a daze, still trying to figure out why a Character sits before her court in a hood.

“What did you say?”  The Prosecutor asks.

The character stands up on his own accord this time.  “You said Writer, sir, and me, well, I’m merely a Poet.”

“Oh bollocks!”  The Prosecutor snaps.

“He’s definitely in a story that is stuck in England too!!!”  The character lets our wildly to no one in particular.

“Order in my court room!”  The Judge says, her gavel echoing through the courtroom.  “Remove the hood, take off that mask, from this man’s head!”  Her momentary state of being stunned ending in a power wielding fashion.

The Bailiff moves over to the Character and pulls the hood off to reveal a clean, shaven, ageless man, his long hair pulled back.

“There now that THE Poet has been seen, can we get back to business.”  The Prosecutor blasts.

“Yes, let’s.”  Red says with a smile and sits back down.

The Judge shakes her head and reviews the sheet in front of her and the Prosecutor glares at the Defendant.

“Now, now let me clear my throat uh, hum.”

“OH, that’s not how he told it the last time!” a grizzled wolf said interrupting the Storyteller.

The wolves were gathered around the fire below the giant waxing moon.  When it was full, the grizzled and grey Old Wolf would leave again.  Rare was it that he would return to tell the tales that he’d learned as the Pathfinder of the Pack, so there did they gathered when he did return.

“What’s that there, that One of you says?”  The Old Wolf replied with a grin.

“Folly, Old Wolf.”  The One who spoke challenged, rising up on all four paws and looking across the fire.  The youngest of wolves who’d not been through the Circle before looked on in curiosity, the wolves who’d traveled once or twice and more kept their chuckles to themselves, for this.  This show, the purpose of it All, this life was for the Children afterall…

“When we was wee ones.”  The One walked around the fire to the Old Wolf, who was still seated.  “You said that the Judge threw herself a bit of a fit and yelled:

‘THE AUDACITY!!! Off with his tail!’

The little wolves, the Children this Life was for, jumped at the mention of tails being chopped off.  It’d been many Moons since the Children of Men had slaughtered all things in Nature, and to lose One’s tail was symbolic of losing the connection to Nature. The Universe still felt the echoes of such misunderstanding and the Nature of All understood more than any of the Children of Men, the Children of Wolves, the Children of All planes could consciously know.

“Wo now, Young One, that there sounds like you’re mixing the stories up yourself…”  The Old Wolf, stretched, gave the One who spoke a wink, then put his head down on his paws.

“Come on Mum, we’ll let these wee little ones listen to this nonsense the Old Wolf is spinning.”  The Young One said as he trotted back to the Missus, who looked at the show around here from a different point-of-view than when she had first witnessed such an experience.  The Old Wolf, and her Pups, all his Grand Pups, as he called them, just as he had called her and her partner when they were but in small wolf time themselves.

She stood up and looked at the pups.  “No trouble to the Old Wolf you hear!”  She commanded.  “Just because your Father couldn’t mind his manners and hold his tongue, doesn’t mean you can interrupt.”  She walked off and was followed by her husband, other parents also saying their good-byes to their pups.

“Be good.”

“Be safe.”

“Be it wise for you to listen to feminine wisdom, Pups.”  The Old Wolf commented as he watched the two and all the other pairs that he’d seen grow up before him, just as he’d seen their parents, and their grandparents before them.  He often wondered what a Journey it’d have been to have such an existence, a bit simpler, a bit harder in different ways each, than his own.  But with every Soul’s Journey, all the challenges provided were necessary and of equal value.

“Roles, we all play roles, eh.”  He said half to himself and half gazing up at the moon.

The Wee Wolves and Small Wolves didn’t know what they witnessed.  They didn’t realize it was all a play.  They would know themselves when they themselves walked in their parents paws, but until they, they took it all in, some enjoying, some frightened of the Play dancing all around them.

“Now, where were we?”  The Old Wolf said.  “Hmmm, since there seems to be some debate.  I shall tell you a tale that only those of you here and now will know and therefore, there can be no argument later about the details.  It’s a tale that none before you have heard but all now, for I have never told it here or now.”

Those Wee and those Small leaned in closer, hanging on the words, the opportunity to hear a story their parents had not yet heard.  For such is life that the stories that speak to different generations are unique and the same.  The Old Wife smiled because he felt the dance before the music started.

“Why, all generations know about Crimson Red and his exploits, the Poet, who was more like a Pirate, to others.  But do you know, that Crimson Red’s Soul rarely walked as one of the Children of Men?”

One of the smallest wolves amongst them, Malachi Wolfins, opened his eyes wide and his older sister, Kiani Wolfins spoke up.  “What are you talking about Uncle Hot Dog?”

“Uncle Hot Dog!” Malachi said with a laugh and toothy grin.

The Old Wolf smiled as he’d been called that name amongst this pack of wolves, because to them, he was known to play with fire…

“Why, Crimson Red,” he continued, “was only a suit that the Soul that inhabited it wore.  Crimson Red in this story is known by many names in others stories but today, I shall tell you quite a tale about the early part of his Soul’s Journey.”

The youth seem to draw nearer to the fire, the idea to hear something that even there parents had not heard pulling them in further and further.  Each moment, each breath, still so brand new during small wolf time.  The Old Wife grew up a little too fast, well at least he forced himself too, either a step ahead or a step behind for so many years.  The Seeker of the Pack had to be but at least here, beneath the moon and by the fire, could he find respite.  He relished the moment for it wouldn’t be much longer before the Free Spirit that resided within set him back along the Road that is the Soul’s Journey.

“This tale is captivating…  It is a tale from before, needed for today.  It was a tale told in different ways, on the many planes, and around circles like this.  And one day your pups shall hear the same message, perhaps in a different tale, from a Voice just like their own because everyone needs a Mr. E. Now and again to remind of us a thing or two.”

“Uncle Hot Dog?” Kiani Wolfins interrupted.

“Yes, Little One.”  He replied.

“You going to tell us the story or are you going to keep embellishing?” She asked.

The Old Wolf blinked, surprised at her knowledge of things like embellishment and looked at her intently for the first time in the moonlight.  Though still young, she wasn’t the small pup she’d been so many moons ago and was moving into the age where the dreams of children, regardless of plane of existence, were lost and where one couldn’t grow up fast enough.

“Why yes, Not-So-Little One.  I am getting there.”  He said, is voice holding but the slightest hint of sadness.  “Even more is this tale one that is truly Red E. Now, it is the story that Souls strive to remember but always… tend… to… Forget!” He emphasized the last word with a bit of snarl.

“Get on with it already!” Kiani Wolfins said again.

“Weekend Mama Wolf Den!” Malachi Wolfins piped up, following his sister’s lead, for no reason but excitement it would seem.

“Okay, okay, okay. Everyone’s a critic…” The Old Wolf muttered to himself.  “I present to you children, the origin of Crimson Red, long before he was the infamous Mystic that we all know, the Poet that some love, the Pirate others hate.  Why this is right here truly who, what, where, when and why we know Red E. Now.  I give to you…  The Tale of Mr. E. and the King.”

AUM Redux: It Was All A Dream…

“It was all a dream…” or “Untitled” or shoot, I don’t know, (insert random title that sums up both types of somesuchsh*** have got to be my most common entry titles.  I was reminded of this yesterday and in recent months, [let's be honest, everyday] because the tangled web weaves seems to be unraveling, or maybe it’s getting more intricately crafted.  Not quite sure but if there’s at least one lesson I’ve learned, it’s that the end is not the end until well, it’s the end.

I had a dream a few years ago that went as such:

It began scrapping with the ex, we were still together at the time but this scrap was writing on the wall it would seem.  She was wearing a shirt that I used only for work and we were arguing badly.  I then went to a dark place, into the dark of night, with an old house in the middle of the dark.  Dark being a key feature of that portion of the dream.  Two women needed to use the bathroom so I stood lookout/guard by some bushes while they did.  At that moment, a black man comes out of the house with a barking dog. The dog runs towards us so we all peaced out and ran.  I could hear him yelling: “It’s going to be okay.  It’s going to be okay.”  Well then I am in a car and I’m driving for what feels like hours but probably wasn’t (or was it, who can tell where the Soul journeys when the conscious mind says sweet dreams or nightmares?) and then I’m staring at a fence.  Through it, I see a field filled with all kines of people.  I turn around and the dog is a now a puppy.  It jumps in my arms and I meet a beautiful mixed-ethnicity woman.  I put down the puppy, we hug, and the dreams ends.

At the time I had the dream, I was working as a Legislative Chief of Staff or Office Manager [or Political Cubical Dweller] and my Soul needed air to breathe.  It was lashing out and would not go quietly without a fight.  The relationship that had meant so much was falling apart more and more, a great love crushed by reality, a reality, a possibility, an inevitability, that I was not prepared for.  I couldn’t accept life.  I could not let things be.  Nor could I flow, even though that’s what I most desired in my Heart, and probably what I’m best at.  What can I say, hindsight is 20/20 and resistance of something bigger can only get one so far.

I woke up, told her about the dream, and guess what?  We got into a big fight.  In the weeks preceding, I’d been having a series of violent dreams, which I had interpreted as being in turmoil within.  And I was.  I truly was not happy with where I was, how I was, or who I was.

That day, coincidentally [or was it... dun dun Dun!], I had a previously scheduled appointment with a Counselor to talk about stress, my first in years since college and I went in all open because something had to change, I didn’t know what exactly.  I did everything the World told me was right and yet, there I was, struggling and suffocating as I crawled through life.  It wasn’t flying, that’s for damn sure!

For whatever reason, I told old boy about the dream.  He just listened, sat, and did what I did all last year and still to this day [but making a boat load more money because of credentials].  Of all the Counselors I could have gotten, I got the spiritual one, and of course he says: “That’s me, Jason!  That’s me in the dream, telling you, it’s all going to be okay.”  It really gave me chicken skin because he was a black man in real life and I didn’t tell him the ethnicity of the characters in my dream.

I went to work, talked with my boss, quit my job.  Some how, some way, that just made sense after talking with homie.  It didn’t make sense to my ex but we were both different people then and well, we live our lives differently so how could I expect her to understand what made sense to me.  Out of love, I strived to changed and learn since so that I could understand her side and that allowed me to see that we all have our own Path.

At that point, I guess that would be the time where I put up and walked my Path, but it wasn’t so graceful in the beginning as I started to slip further and further down the rabbit hole.  I’d had some experiences with the numinous and mystical but it definitely picked up there…

Fast forward, more dreams interpreted, used as guidance, following signs after the Apocalypse of my life, that being that everything I could have feared happening, happened, wading through it all, grappling with the Dark Night of My Soul, and here I am, in this moment, wondering, because I feel the something somesuchsh** again…  Where earlier I rode good waves, Brah, this is the wave, that’s going on in my life around me, the wave that puts a cap on something somesuchsh** so that I can finally rest [not Death I'm told but a respite for the Soul].

Life seems to accelerate and decelerate often, like the tides in the ocean rise and fall, and I often wonder what that dream meant in its entirety.  I’d meet the character, the woman at the end of it a few times later, in other dreams, she was at the end of the dream that I interpreted as it being necessary for me to travel, do my “time in the desert” and she was there in another dream when it was all done, we were traveling together, and I said something like, I did this all to prepare me.

I don’t believe in coincidence.  If you’re an avid Simple Voice reader, a client, a friend, you know that about this JMAW character.  The further up this road that I walk alone, and as often as I share the landscape of the moment with others who speak from the Spirit, the more I believe, I see how it is all by design.  I don’t understand it.  I have a basic understanding of the principles of working with it, manifesting, co-creating, living, whatever you want to call it, but I don’t understand the why.  In a sense, I do but I don’t want to get ahead of myself…

Why do we hurt?  Why do we suffer?  Why do we feel?  That last question is really the answer but I’m humoring you reader and I’m getting ahead of myself [hey if The Universe wants to have humor with me, I can humor as well, because we might as well laugh].  I don’t understand timing or how or what but it’s all an experience, and it’s great to feel each element of it. The greatest feeling?  That’s easy, what we need most, love, love within and love shared all around for what’s life without love?  True love?

Turns out I lived in the House.  It hit me one night as I sat in front of it and spoke with a man in the dark of a full moon night.  I could only see the outline of his face, could not make out any details but he talked about how it all works out in life, how it’ll all be okay.

I believe in that, Okay-Ness, as I like to dub presence or mindfulness.  I accept that it will all be okay, it’s just getting back to okay and accepting whatever is being felt in that moment that is oftentimes quite challenging.

I walked along the field that I saw, this dream, from so long ago, years in fact that feel like a blink, a dream, an (insert here).  I saw the fence, I’ve seen how the mirrors and the characters are all there.  My then-mentor telling me that holding a puppy after it was growling was symbolic of taming the wild side.  I do not know if tame is accurate because the free Spirit in me grows restless, but at least it is no longer a wild animal, it’s still the Wild One, yet I can care for it, and love it like one would a puppy.  And if we each have an Inner Child, than every Dog, even the Wild Ones, have an Inner Puppy.

So as I discussed the dream yesterday as things seemingly unraveled, a day of plans overcome by the Flow, I pondered and was brought to a conversation about the Notorious BIG, life, art, creativity, being, hot dogs, expression, and it embodied spirituality.  But the thing I liked the most.  Well, that’s follows here and was unexpected.

Most unexpected because as I listened to an intriguingly wise, young woman talk about her appreciation of honesty, I paused and really listened.  Then, I reflected and thought about how for so long, I’ve worked at living in a way to express and remind others, shoot, myself, that being honest is genuine, and that authenticity, is kind of what the world seems to be lacking.

“Do what you love.”  She said.

Life is okay.  I’m doing what I love and if/when I get tired of it, I’ll do something else.  The Journey is an intricate system embodying all things, Light and Dark merely two sides of the same coin.  It all balances.  It all works out, it’s all varying levels of Love/God/Universe/Is/Whatever and in the end…

It’s all just stardust again anyway, now isn’t it?

AUM Redux: Why am I here?

"It Is What It Is" By Hawaii Tattooist Andrew Burley

Why am I here?

It’s a question, I’ve asked many times and I know without a shadow of a doubt that many people ask throughout their lives.

The base answer is that Mom and Dad of us All got a little some, some going on, the sperm found the egg and BAM, fertilization.

Someone once told me/added to that equation: God was in that threesome.

Regardless the reason, we may find ourselves asking that question and hitting repeat with it.  I tend to find meaning in circumstances and conversations that lead to some form of confirmation as to why I am here, wherever that here and now, is, and that makes me feel like something greater is at play and that means beyond words.  But that doesn’t mean the question is answered always and forever. It might be tended to for a moment in time but it evades and escapes me time and time again (perhaps that’s what Jesus meant by saying the Kingdom can be found time and time again).  Yet there I am left asking the question another time, at which point, I have to take a breath, and remind myself to enjoy where I am at, wherever that is, however I can.

I used to think the answer is what I was doing here, which may in fact be part of the reasoning as to why I am here.  When I realized that I am a writer (on my way to publication and therefore an author), that was cool/it meant alot because it’s something I love.

Then again, ask any writer, writing isn’t always an escape.  I enjoy it but it’s almost never good enough.  In reality, it’s getting better and better the more that I do it but I have so much to say and there are so many stories I would like to create and areas of interest to explore and write about.  So writing isn’t always it.

I enjoy experiencing as much as I can with what life has to offer.  Is it not all an experience?  But am I only here to experience?  Is it really all an experience?  For example, when I was younger, I would consume all types of arts and culture.  Maybe, like the Inner Child, there’s an Inner Sponge that absorbs and absorbs.  But whenever I reached a saturation point or still do, I find myself moving in a different direction and go through a cycle of absorbing all over again.  I’ve gone through, music, books, sports, martial arts, museums, beaches, lol, jobs (going on to 30 plus at the age of 31).  Wash, rinse, repeat, so on and so forth.  So as much as life is an experience, it isn’t always that either because that never ends.

For a long time, I thought it was about sharing my life with someone and having a family.  Who doesn’t want love?  It was the most commonly asked question I got asked during my year doing the Honolulu Psychic thing.  In my own life, I saw the equivalent of a couple of B-level movies with how my love life played out and then had an experience that felt Shakespearean and epic-like.  All with an amazing Journey before, during, after spiritually but even then, that wasn’t quite it.  Either.  Frak… Darnit!

I don’t have any kids so I can’t speak on that.  I had pets with exes that I love(d) dearly and so on but that’s different.  I experienced a miscarriage with another ex and tat was intense.  But still, that wasn’t the answer to that question that keeps coming back.

Death is a big part of it, I accept that but I’m still alive so, um, yeah…

Then what is it?  Why I am here?  Why are we here?

You know, honestly, as much as we’re here for ourselves, the more I go through life, I feel like I am/we are here to serve.  I find myself getting shifted around and from there that leads me into the lives of others and I learn, they learn, I don’t know.  I helped a lot of people with my “gift” last year and I am still using, albeit not beneath a tree but wherever I go, there I am, and these spiritual conversations unfold, I get prompted to share info and ay-yah! You know, I cut my hair, get more tattoos to ritualize and put a stamp on it, go back to some form of legitimacy in work and yeah, it is what it is and my “observable Universe” follows me.  Frak!

The answer that I keep “hearing” is one that only the words of my Grandmother can soothe.  We were talking one day and she was telling me how she didn’t want a service when she passed.  My Grandfather had felt the same way, so no service was had.  She went on to tell me:

“You know Jason, I don’t want people around saying that Aurora did this or Mrs. Mitchell did that for me.  I didn’t do it for them.”

She stopped there leaving me in suspense, so of course I had to ask why she did it.

“I did it all for the greater glory of God.”

So why am I here?  Hmm, I suppose I’m here to speak my peace/piece, help as many people as I can because I believe we’re all in this together, all walking the Road of Life, back Home to Aloha ke Akua.  You know?

Ah, thank God!  I feel melancholy, that means something big is about to happen because when I feel that way, something cool/big usually happens in my life.

Sweet! That’s way better than Frak, but expressing Frak is sweet from time to time too.  Just realizing what I am feeling is answer enough to the questions.  To feel is the only way I’ve ever known anything to be real anyway.  Anything.