Me and my Fadah was going Holo-Holo, uh, it was like one Satuhday richual. I would get up, watch cahtoons, maybe eat one bowl cereal but probably not cause… we’d always go McDonald’s. Ho bra, McDonald’s breakfast is so cherry! Anyway, we’d go dea and I’d get like one Cinnamon Danish and Beeg Breakfas’ oa Bacon Cheese Beescuit. I was one skinny, eh shaddup I was, anyway, skinny keed too. But yeah, I’d grind all dat, mostly da Danish bra. I not talkin no wimpy cinnamon roll like da kine dey get now. Dose buggahs was huge and ono wit da melted sugah all over. Talk about broke da mouth. Anyway, one day we went drive-thru uh and had one lady and she was supah tan da kine tan dat I goin look like one crab oa firetruck befo I could even get dat dark. So I tell my fadah, “Eh Dad, she get one nice tan.” But eh, I was one small keed kine so I no really rememba wot I said jus dat I rememba Satuhday Holo-Holo Sessions and dis story for some reason. Anyway, da lady was tan cause she was da kine African-Hawaiian uh. Chee hoo! Brah talk about shame when I tink about um now. Eh, she was supah but from wot I can rememba. Guess das why yea, get da sayin’: “keeds say da darned’est tings”.

En light of world events, I like talk stories about Aloha. Even small kine Aloha can go far brah, let me tell you. You might complain fifty kajillion times about dat frickin bugga who wen cut you off on da road or who wen ack dumb but I bet you get sometin small, sometin dat can only be described as feelin like Aloha dat it makes you smile no matta wot. Sheet, can be one small keed smilin o one big hug from a loved one, o dat strangah who just wen hold da door open for you. Woteva it is, you feel its mana, its energy.Aloha can be defined in so many different kine ways that it reminds me of one of dose words like love, peace, freedom, happiness, compassion, and respect. It’s one of dose where you just gotta say, ‘Ho brah, it’s all dee above” and leave um at dat. It stay all encompassing. It simply is. And you know wot, if can just work hardah at livin’ lidat, everyting goin be okay and even get bettah for our future, our children, da whole world ohana.

I not saying dis is da secret to life and blah blah blah cause I no think dea is one secret anymoa. Da world always goin’ have tragedy and tings we no undastand. Das part of da cycle. If we can just have moa Aloha, o whateva it is in your culture, can be bettah. Oddawise you jus goin end up wit some no make sense kine BS jus like wen happen da odda day in Virginia. Sad dat story. Even moa sad is now get all kine high maka maka kine fockas at da universities who make like dey all prepared for someting lidat. No, frick dat bra, dey not. I telling you da overwhelming majority of student affairs kine people and othas in da world of academia is one lost bunch who forgot why dey stay there: da students.

Da same ting can be sed about a plenny politicians o government officials. Dey forgot why dey dea and who dey stay serving: da peopol. But you know wot, it’s not only dea fault. It’s our fault too fo lettin’ dem slip. It’s too many of us who no say nothin o only say um to one point. And den no moa. Da End. All Pau!

So brothas and sistahs, we need to start livin wit aloha, passion, sometin’ cause if not, only goin get moa bleak den how stay already. Da cycle goin continue fo get moa worse. And den wot…

We neva goin’ eliminate all da madness of life. Always goin get challenges, but if we treat ourselves, and everyone else wit one caring Aloha kine attitude, goin be ok, goin be good, goin be great.

Mahalo ke Akua.

Ho… Brr-ah!  Just rememba, no mattah how shiddy da day, jus smile.  Das is da main ting fo real-kine, guarans-babearans, no-step-on-da crack and break yo madah’s back.  I go tell you one story…             

I rememba wen I used to work down da grocery store, eh, and how nuts would get.  You get da old farts who stay all mad cause dey no like dey fruits in da same bag as da vegetables.  Den get da punk keeds, you know da kine future O treeple C residents, who try and shoplift da beer.  Sheet, no can even handle one befo get all buss and den palu.  No mattah, still yet they gotta try and ack hard and steal da 24 pack Bud Watah.  Hoooo, wait cuz, gets bettah.  Den dea’s da uppedy, busy-body-ness peopo wit dey Bluetoot stickin out da-side-a-da ear, neva can tell who dey stay talking too .  Dem guys is da worst kine.  Brr-ah!  No can even undastand wot dey tryin fo say or who dey tryin fo talk to.  All you can get out of dea mouths in one I stay bettah den you kine voice dat sound mo like one talking monkey wit dea “ooooo’s” and “ahhh’s”: “Oooo I would like the Grey Poupon in double paper, that’s two now, then plastic. Uh, Hold on.  Ahhh, by golly that’s great results.  Oh, please wait.  I said double paper!”             

Oh sheesh, I could go on go days and days about dem lolos and how f’d work stay or even some of dem can get.  But eh, Brr-ah!  Da main ting is fo smile yeah, cause can make one difference.  I fo real.  You neva know who stay watching like dat cute hapa wahine who is just gettin one bottle water.  Ha.  Nah, fo real kine, jus smile cause can make one difference.  I go tell you one odda story…             

Had dis one time wen one small keed wen smile at me.  Hooo, was da cutest ting.  Eh, no make dat look befo I slap you.  Anyway… I was all agro cause of dose kine people I just wen describe earliah, wen had dis tiny little keed look up and say, “Hi”, and den smile.  Brr-ah!  Wen I saw dat how could I not go “Aww da cute!” inside my head.  Or crack one smile and feel warm inside just like da kine M&M’s dat was in your back pocket all day and stay all smashed and soft?  Das right, uh?  Just wot I thought.             

So yeah… eh Brr-ah!  Just smile already ganfunnit.  I wen tell you all dat and you still frown.  I otta slap you in back-a-da head you grumpy…

Old guy wen honk his horn twice. Twice.  Dat guy get nerve.  So, I figah I would go apologize, yeah.  Bein da nice guy dat I am and all.  Den, you know wot?  Da fricka wen honk gen.  So dat’s tree times now, uh.  So, I stay getting small kine agro.  But eh, I was still trying for let um go, be nice, blah blah blah.  I wen apologize again and he tell me, he frickin tell me dat I no belong ova thea.  I thinking, you pilau buggah, just cause you never like park normal kine, just cause you had to pull your stupid crazy chestah da molestah kine old van wit no windows in where I was parked so could back in mo easy.  So, I just let um go and start fo drive away.  I stay tinkin all kine stuff, eh.  Den it hits wen I can see he still giving me stink eye in da rear view mirror:  Fuck you… you not da darage ownah!  Shit, he ackin all high maka maka and den, all of one sudden, even though I was driving away, da events wen play inside ma head like one movie, yeah.  Everyting wen happen da same but instead of driving away…           

Flattened tiahs…           

Beat down in his doodoo head wit da kine Timbaland shoes…           

I packin one gun and pop pop pop in his knee caps and hands so he no can walk or do anyting else…           

No!  I get um.  I one rogue cop uh who just wen kicked off da police force for being to rough on da criminals so I trew my badge at da chief and had fo turn in my badge and everyting.  It’s so bad like my Mom no like even look at me.  So I stay kinda down on ma luck uh?  And da buggah, he not so old but he stay insai da mob, no da yakuza yeah, all scars and tattoos and missin fingahs carrying one samurai sword.  He stay smoking and everything happens and he blows smoke in my face.  So I get out da car and he pulls his sword out and swings um at me.  I duck em all Keanu Reeves Matrix style.  He swing again.  I Jackie Chan run up da wall.  He tries one more time and I catch um like clap da hands kine.  He stay struggling to keep going but I just laugh.  Den cause he da villain, he kick me da balls uh.  Cheap shot bastad.  So, I drop down and he stomping on me and like one dumby throws his sword aside and is just kickin my ass to make em look like I no moa gas in da tank… wen…  all of a sudden… Try guess.  Go guess um.  Eh, you lame, no like guess.  How’s you?             

Anyways, I Hulk out bra.  Yeahno?  Das one good one.  Just like Hulkamania only it’s Bradahmania and yeah like da hero I win, blow up his car or someting, go to da beach and drink beer wit one solid wahine.  Yeah, das right beer, not no weak-ass wine coolah or mai-tai.  I talking green bottles, Steinlagah, Heinuhken kine bra.  Chee-hoo!           

Eh, wot you tink?  My movie was solid uh?  Yeah no make lidat you fricka.  You just salty eyes cause you neva tink of em.  Sheesh.  Maybe was good dat old buggah wen ack lidat wit me oddawise I would neva have gotten dis Oscah type idea in da first place.  I should call up dat guy, who is dat guy, you know da one who stay inside all of his movies like Pulp Fiction.  Not even like he one good actor and den he still stay inside um.  Sheesh, now I no can even tink of who dat guy is… 

It is truly amazing to me how hypocritical people are.  I’ve been hypocritical at times and I’m sure there will be other hypocrisies that I commit.  Do we like living like this? Do we know any other way?

Read me out on this one.

How is it possible for the majority of Americans and arguably most of the world to disapprove of/hate on President Bush and praise the new Democratic Congress while at the same time make The 300 a top movie around the world?

Just ponder that question. I’m not saying Dubya is King Leonidas.  I also don’t think Pelosi talking to the Syrians is of the same essence as that snake in the grass that had the side-deal with the Persians.

America is at war because of the attack that occurred on 9/11.  Sure we’ve been told a number of other reasons why the war happened, is valid or isn’t.  The bottom line is that we are where we are because of the past and 9/11 events were surely a catalyst among others to get the world where it is. The 300 has the Spartans going to war because of Xerxes’ Persian war machine’s impending invasion of Greece.  If anything, the Spartans were less diplomatic about the situation than America has been. At any rate, it seems a tad bits, ironically close to the reality of the past few years.Frank Miller’s comic version of The 300 came out in 1998.  Could it be that Dubya got his foreign policy agenda after reading the graphic novel?  Better check the circulation for the upcoming candidates and see what reads they have to get an idea of what lies ahead.  I’m banking that Senator Clinton is not reading Good Housekeeping…Just some food for thought.  People often love fiction yet despise fact.  There is no changing that.  And what’s happening in the world today is the stuffing of some of the greatest tales told and yet to be recorded.

What time is it?

Law time!  That’s what.

The Hawaii Legislature has a little under a month left.  This is the interesting point because the bills have crossed over and went through both the House and the Senate and back.  This is the point of the session where both sides meet up in conference and decide the fate of the various bills that have survived the first year of the bi-ennium. 

Now would be the time to look at what is actually left and make your calls to the Legislators to vote on what is left.  That’s about all the public can do as there will no longer be any public hearings for the conference hearings.

So what happened to that taro bill or that appropriation for the cause in your community or that controversial issue?

Fear not, there is still another year for that HB(House Bill) or SB(Senate Bill) for that little known cause you are passionate about.  So rally the troops for next session and hit them (the Legislators) early on in the session.  Tip: Contact not only your Rep. or Senator, but the chairs of the respective committee that the Bill you’re interested in is referred too.

And if you don’t like a bill… In my humblest of opinions, chances are if it didn’t make it out this session, there is an equally high chance that it will not make it out next session unless some serious work and lobbying is done. 

Why?  Legislators will be introducing more bills into the mix in the ’08 session, in addition to the thousands that are currently in limbo, filed away, waiting for that hearing.  I guess the hearing is like the NCAA Basketball Tournament: the Big Dance to become a Champion; law in this case. 

One also has to consider that our lawmakers our human and may or may not like a bill, killing it in committee as a result.  Just part of what happens in our “Representative Democracy”. 

There’s ultimately the Governor factor to figure in.  It takes the signature of the Governor, the Honorable Linda Lingle, to make a bill for an act, into a law.  Without it, nada, nathan, no mas.  The Governor has the power to stall on something.  That’s why some appropriations for money never see light for many years, oddly timed with an election…

Then there’s the Veto power.  With talk of the President vetoing Congress’ actions, there isn’t much need to go indepth about the Veto. 

Do you get it?  If you don’t, I can’t blame you, it’s such a complicated, convoluted, compacted chain of events that is hard to understand.  I’d bet some of elected officials don’t quite understand it themselves.

 Aloha ke Akua.

I have a confession to make…

I work at a large globalized chain that sells coffee (that I can’t name but I’m sure you can guess). And what’s worse, is that I started off not even liking coffee. And what’s even worse than that is that I can drink a Blackeye (coffee with an add shot of espresso) without anything added to it.

That being said, there is alot that goes on in a coffee house. I work at the busiest one in my state, no joke, we have the most revenue out of all of them, and more and more seem to be opening each day.

What amazes me the most is how people get over their coffee. I think we can all agree that we can each be very picky about damn near anything and everything. And why not, especially if we’re paying for it. What I am having a harder time seeing, is how some people can have a miserable existence if their latte is not up to par. Top that off is how you hear people start their bad day horror stories with, “It all began when they f@cked up my latte…”. Yeah, you get the point.

We have a customer, let’s call her the Capuccino Lady, who comes in and orders a Double Tall Non-Fat, Real Foam (Thick like shaving cream), 190 degree, Dry Cappucino. She’ll go out of her way to see who’s working bar and to make that barista’s life living hell if the foam isn’t the way she likes it. Now I know, that’s she’s paying good money for it. I respect that, but we’re not in Europe, nor is it a gourmet establishment, so after a certain point, and when there is a line going out the door, when… is enough… enough?

What makes this customer particularly mind bottling is that she has turned away from her drink dissatisfied to wait for a new one, grab the same drink and think it’s perfect. So… she’s not the coffee aficionado that she masqerades as.  I suppose you can say the plot thickens.

I was on bar one night and she started talking to me. How’s your foam? Have you made my drink before? Blah blah blah. So at first I was listening but then I looked at the line of drinks I had before me and chose to focus on that. I figure, why pay heed to the 5 % complainer when there was the rest waiting to be served. She told my manager, he’s not talking to me, I’m leaving and was gone.  I swear that I sensed the bad chi in the air.  Or was that the No-Brew?  Anyhow…

The next time I worked, she came in and I was on till. Now I had thought about how I would rip her a new one if she so much as looked at me the wrong way when I realized, maybe this is all this woman had, her perceived perfect cup of coffee. I had never seen her with anyone, nor has she ever talked about what’s going on aside from her cappacino or the quality of our fruit or if the wrong day’s paper is still there. (Maybe she’s a mystery shopper) At any rate, I realized, it was me getting to me and not her getting to me. I can only control myself and how I feel. So the glorious ripping of a new one did not occur and what do you know, she didn’t get to me because I didn’t get to me.

I listen to alot rap/hip-hop music mostly. I like to think that I’m fairly diverse when it comes to music but upon reflection, I predominantly listen to rap/hip-hop. Now, if I think a song is good, I’ll listen regardless of genre but I guess I find it funny that rap/hip-hop appeals to me.

So in order to come to grips with my infatuation with rap/hip-hop I’ve decided to start a rap group. I’ve thought alot about it and as a writer, my rhymes would be mad wicked tight a’ight. So all I need is a crew with some decent flow and a name.

I figure I’ll post on craigslist to find some other aspiring rap artists so that part should be no problem. Maybe I can battle them to see if they can hang. I know what you’re thinking, “J, what if they suck?”. Well, I’m not raps ‘Hova as some people claim to be so worst case scenario, I’ll contact VH1 and pick up So Fine, Miss M, Big L, and Dodge City from Ice T’s Rap School. I figure the variety right there would be more than enough to give my crew an edge.

Next up, the crew’s name. Now since I’m finding this crew, I’m going to name it and that’s that. So upon looking at various crew names: Public Enemy, Run-D.M.C., Diddy’s The Band, KTMT, and Tai Wyban and the Fellows, I’ve decided to throw it and use a symbol much like how Wu-Tang and Prince did (well when he was the symbol that was the artist formerly known as prince).

Wow, I didn’t realize how complicated it was to start a rap group, but eh, I will persevere as I am a true hip-hop head.

Ok, got it, I gave it 30 seconds and the symbol for my crew is going to be a thought provoking one. Hold on now, brace yourself. Here you go: a dragon sitting under a palm tree drinking a mai tai and barbecuing chicken with the hot fire that he spits.

Heh, I know you’re thinking, wow, frakking, wow, oh boy, golly gee, that is tight son. (Polishes fingernails on shirt). This. I. Know.

So there you have it. If you’re an aspiring rapper, hit me up because this crew is going to be the greatest.

Disclaimer: Any relation to any actual dream of rapping was not intended. Any relation to any existing group was not intended either. I’m joking here. I like rap but c’mon, me, rap? No way.

On a side note, I did write lyrics back in the day and called myself The Game. Swear to God, if I’m lying I’ll cut off a piece of my anatomy. I have the notebook to proove it. Should have trademarked that name.

On another side note, regarding crew names, I had a bunch of friends who adopted the name ‘Hot Boys’ for their pseudo car club. Cash Money had the Hot Boys and it was before Missy Elliot made that song, so it was still a semi cool thing. Anyway, they went and got the old english letters of the phrase made and put it on their cars. Now, if you’re familiar with old english, you’ll know how that phrase looks spelled out. If you’re not… nah, I’ll tell you, H’s for whatever reason looks like G’s. So, yeah, ‘Got Boys’, not too cool. Certainly not the effect they were looking for.

What if the world…

I had a conversation last week with a friend who told me, “People ain’t shit, J.” It was kind of harsh and a startling tone but what he meant as I found out later in the conversation, is that everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes, and chances are, what other people are doing, we will more often than not disagree with them.

The bottom line, then, is to give freely and have no expecation as to what should come as a result. I can recall getting so frustrated when I was younger because I was doing what I thought I should do in order to get what I wanted. When in the end, because I was doing it to get something, and not out of the goodness of my heart, that’s why I was so frustrated to begin with. It not only conflicted with my core, but it also made what I had to give have conditions. And once something has conditions, it can no longer be unconditional.

I had another conversation this week with a lady who told me to trust my heart. The heart will never lead one astray. I can’t help but agree with that. Looking back at my journey thus far, the times I’ve ever felt fear or pain is because my mind was telling my heart to be quiet. Or my mind was running around all over the damn place like a crackhead on speed. The times when I’ve trusted my heart and went with it, things worked out all good.

Life is strange indeed. I do believe that in the end it will all be for a reason. Life was not meant to be easy I know that. It just saddens me when I think if only we truly were who we can be all times, who we truly are, because the conflicts we face would probably be resolved in a much more civil and far less hurtful fashion.

Can you imagine a world like that? Granted, there would probably still be war, but at least, no matter what, there would always be respect and sincerity.